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Writing Samples
Band 7

In recent years, there has been a rise in the use of performance-enhancing drugs in sports. What are the consequences of doping for athletes? What measures should be taken to combat this issue? Angsa

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Sportsmen have consumed notably increasingly energy-enhancing substances in order to perform well for the past years.
However
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, they may risk their health conditions by being doped and harsher drug detection measures should reinforced to address the issue effectively. Driven by the desire to achieve heights in careers, sportsmen consume performance-enhancing substances, which lead to long-term health complications. Not only do sportsmen use up all energy supplies by stimulating their brains and muscles, but they
also
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 have a tendency to need similar drugs to function properly.
Furthermore
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, they are apt to suffer from mental disorders, which anxiety and depression.
For example
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, statistics thoroughly provided by the Sport and Health Association show that 62% of individuals, who utilise performance-enhancing supplements, are prone to encounter various detrimental effects of drugs after their mid-thirties and become permanently
dependant
Replace the word
dependent
show examples
 on the medications.
Therefore
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, measures of strengthening dope detection ought to be implemented to combat
this
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 concern. If legal implications are made by the superior authorities, athletes will be aware of problems that they face
such
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 as penalties or right-deprivation to participate in the next several sports events.
Moreover
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, the advancements in the dope-detection technologies are to be made to prevent other illegal activities.
For instance
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, athletes in Kazakhstan, after being harshly penalised and disqualified for doping violations at the Olympic Games in London 2012, ceased to commit illegal consumption during the next competitions. In conclusion, the consumption of substances has represented a growing trend in recent years.
This
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 may cause harmful consequences for the well-being of athletes and only through stricter regulations can
this
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 issue be eradicated.

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Task Response
Clarify your main idea in the introduction to ensure the reader understands the specific focus of the essay.
Coherence and Cohesion
Create smoother transitions between paragraphs for better flow and clarity. Consider using phrases like 'In addition' or 'Furthermore' to connect ideas.
Task Response
Elaborate a little more on the examples provided to illustrate your points more thoroughly.
Coherence and Cohesion
The essay presents a clear stance on the issue and provides a logical structure.
Task Achievement
The use of statistics strengthens your argument about the health effects of doping.

Answer the 'Problem and Solution' topic

Problem-and-solution essays fall naturally into two parts, the first describing and exploring the problem, the second setting out the solution or solutions.

You essay structure should look something like this:

  • Introduction
  • Body paragraph 1 – Problems
  • Body paragraph 2 – Solutions
  • Conclusion

Examples to start your body paragraph:

  • One of the first problems of the...
  • Another problem that needs to be considered...
  • A possible solution to this problem would be...
  • One immediate practical solution is to...

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