IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4

THE DIAGRAM ILLUSTRATES HOW BEES PRODUCE HONEY.

THE DIAGRAM ILLUSTRATES HOW BEES PRODUCE HONEY.
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The
shown
Verb problem
apply
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process illustration explains how
honey
Use synonyms
produce
Wrong verb form
is produced
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 from the hive to
pack
Wrong verb form
packed
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 in
special
Add an article
a special
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 glass container. There are seven main stages
on
Change preposition
of
show examples
honey
Use synonyms
 production. All collected flower’s
nectar
Use synonyms
 accumulated from the several honeybees, and eventually
store
Wrong verb form
stored
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 like
final
Add an article
the final
a final
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 product. Beginning
at the first stage
Linking Words
, we can see that the
grown in hive
Add a hyphen
grown-in-hive
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 young bees
adapts
Correct subject-verb agreement
adapt
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 to search some
area
Fix the agreement mistake
areas
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 with a good number of
nectar
Use synonyms
.
Honey
Use synonyms
made
Add a missing verb
is made
show examples
 from
nectar
Use synonyms
 of flowers, where bees suck
nectar
Use synonyms
 with a trunk. At
this
Linking Words
 point, the first stage of conversion into
honey
Use synonyms
 is launched After that,
found
Correct article usage
the found
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 area of
much
Correct quantifier usage
many
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 nectars should
be extract
Change the verb form
be extracted
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 from the insect and
then
Linking Words
are
Unnecessary verb
apply
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held in a tiny place, which is called
Correct article usage
a cells
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cells
Fix the agreement mistake
cell
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. There are some
part
Fix the agreement mistake
parts
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 of each hive, brought sweety should be
evaporate
Wrong verb form
evaporated
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 from most
of
Change preposition
apply
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bees,
which
Correct pronoun usage
whose
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 wing span can cause
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
water separation in accumulated
honey
Use synonyms
.
In
Change the preposition
At
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 the end of all steps,
honey
Use synonyms
 which is separated from
fluid
Add an article
the fluid
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are
Change the verb form
is
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 poured
in
Change preposition
into
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special
Add an article
a special
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 volume.

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Introduction: The introduction is missing.
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Introduction: The chart intro is missing.
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Basic structure: Change the second paragraph.
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Introduction: The chart intro is missing.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words honey, nectar with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "undefined" in your introduction.
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Vocabulary: Only 2 basic words for charts were used.
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Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the second paragraph.
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