Some children spend hours every day on their smartphones. Why is this the case? Do you think this is a positive or a negative development.
In today’s modern era, some children dedicate many hours of their daily life to
smartphones
, which can lead them to terrible consequences which is why the following passage is going to give away reasons and shows why the disadvantages are more than their benefits.
From the beginning, the essential role of smartphones
on
the current technology period of time that mankind is experiencing, cannot be denied. People use their phones on every single task or activity they face throughout the day, in a way that living without them can be almost impossible. Change preposition
in
As a result
, youngsters; the group with the most influence on their existence, are often captured watching, playing or texting through their smartphones
for the entire day. Furthermore
, Another reason for this
happening is the lack of ability to communicate with family, friends or even peers, this
problem should be handled and resolved in schools before the entrance of children into social life.
On the one hand, the advantages of modern devices such
as smartphones
are noticeable, especially in the lives of teenagers, such
as improving the path of communication , inventing a whole new way of study for those who are far from their university or schools and so more. On the other hand
, the drawbacks of this
approach can harm them unconditionally.
First of all, pupils spend so many hours on these digital displays that cause them weakness in their eyesight. Secondly
, smartphones
can reduce children’s concentration which leads them to poor study outcomes.
In conclusion, in general, the drawbacks of high usage of mobile phones outweigh the advantages in most cases, although
with
a thoughtful manner in using these little machines, everyone can work
With them in a healthy way.Add the comma(s)
, with
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task achievement
Your essay addresses the task prompt, but try to provide more specific examples to strengthen your argument. Discussing precise instances where children use smartphones excessively would add depth to your argument on its negative impact.
coherence cohesion
Your essay would benefit from smoother transitions between points. Try to use more transitional phrases or link ideas within paragraphs to improve the flow of your writing. Also, developing each point more thoroughly will enhance cohesion.
coherence cohesion
Be careful with repetition. For example, the phrase 'technology period of time' is both repetitive and slightly unclear. Consider using alternative vocabulary to keep the essay engaging and varied.
task achievement
You’ve made a clear effort to address both aspects of the prompt: why children spend hours on smartphones and whether it's positive or negative. This structured approach is commendable.
task achievement
Your essay provides a balanced discussion, addressing both the drawbacks and minor advantages of children using smartphones. This balance is good for task response.
coherence cohesion
The structure of having an introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion is followed correctly. This enhances the readability of your essay.
Fully explain your ideas
To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).
For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:
- Paragraph 1 - Introduction
- Sentence 1 - Background statement
- Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
- Sentence 3 - Thesis
- Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
- Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
- Sentence 1 - Summary
- Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
- Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation
Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.