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Band 8

some people belive that leadership is natural. while others disagree discuss both sides and give your opinion.

#people #belive #leadership
Whether or not the sense of strong
leadership
 is inherited is a moderately debatable matter.
While
 some believe that being able to control people is a talent that someone is born with, others and I adhere to the belief that it can be mastered by consistency and dedication. In some cases, the natural ability for
leadership
 can be detected in the early stages of childhood. The reason why some people are truly gifted can be related to their genetics. These individuals can influence the public in their own favour almost effortlessly
due to
 the genes they received from each of their parents.
Moreover
, there are some personality traits that can play a significant role in
this
 matter
such
 as an extroverted characteristic. Take Steve Jobs as an example; he immersed himself in the role of management with a lot less effort than all the other participants in his group.
On the other hand
, many others have gained the ability to make a name for themselves in public venues over time. Now more than ever, the process of becoming a leader is more tangible for society
due to
 the prevalence of technology and the ubiquity of online courses;
therefore
, people can now learn and practice
leadership
 rules in a more explicit way.
Furthermore
, in order to accomplish
this
 goal, one has to set a standard plan regarding both public appearances and speech skills which are both considered to be quite achievable. A recent study demonstrated that specimens who have devoted themselves to learning the tricks of coaching had more than a 50 per cent chance of actually becoming a social influencer. In a nutshell, the majority of society considers
leadership
 skills as a talent that cannot be learned.
However
, some disagree with the statement for the reasons that are provided in the essay. I tend to side with the second group because I believe that the ability to lead can be obtained under the right circumstances.
Submitted by bita.rezaei7052 on

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Task Response
Continue to develop and refine your argumentation skills. While your essay effectively addresses the prompt, further exploration of nuances in each viewpoint could enhance your argument's depth.
Coherence and Cohesion
To improve coherence, consider adding more transitional phrases between paragraphs and within them to enhance the flow of ideas.
Language
Incorporate a wider range of vocabulary and syntactic structures to elevate your language proficiency, especially to achieve nuanced expression and to more precisely convey complex ideas.
Structure
The essay presents a clear introduction and conclusion, effectively framing your discussion.
Task Response
You've provided balanced views on the topic by discussing both sides before stating your own opinion, which is commendable and aligns with the task requirements.
Supporting Details
Your use of examples, such as Steve Jobs, to support your point shows an effective use of specific details to strengthen your argument.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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