IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 7

Some people think that the increasing use of computers and mobile phones in communication hurts young people's reading and writing skills. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#people #computers #phones #communication #skills
These days, technology has been developing immediately, and it is important that we follow it to improve our lives.
In contrast
, Some people believe that the leaping
use
 of computers and cell phones has negative effects on the young generation's skills
such
 as reading and writing. In my opinion, the fact that smart gadgets have a bad influence on the younger population;
nevertheless
, these tools have several benefits for their learning. on the one hand, when teenagers have access to computers and mobile, they
use
 them for pastimes like playing games, checking social media, and other things;
as a result
, they waste a
lot
 of time on these things, which do not have merits them and do not evolve their abilities on positive items. To illustrate, when I was 14 years old I used to have a tablet which was used for gaming, watching movies, listening to music, and other activities, so
this
 summer I did not go to the gym or other classes helping me to become a creative people;
thereafter
, I do not utilize
this
 device owing to the fact that it could not aid me to enhance my knowledge.
On the other hand
, computers and mobile phones have various advantages for our skills.
Firstly
, with
this
 equipment, they are able to
use
 AL which helps us to find our mistakes and solve them.
Secondly
, young communities can not only connect to their teacher but
also
use
 other teachers' lessons to get their abilities better like reading and writing.
Thirdly
, they can
use
 the Internet with these tools and improve their reading with a
lot
 of text which find by surfing the net;
additionally
, they may
use
 a
lot
 of websites which have a
lot
 of tips that help them to become the best writers.
To conclude
, It is crucial that everything
that is
 related to technology has both drawbacks and good points;
however
, we should
use
 these things which help us improve our skills.
Submitted by maryamkazemi968 on

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task achievement
Ensure that each paragraph clearly supports the main argument. The example in the second paragraph, although personal, could be made more relevant to the general argument. Examples from broader sources or studies would provide stronger support.
coherence cohesion
Work on refining grammatical accuracy and vocabulary precision to ensure that ideas are conveyed clearly and effectively. For example, phrases like 'AL' should be specified as 'AI' (artificial intelligence), and other minor grammatical errors should be addressed.
coherence cohesion
The essay has a clear introduction and conclusion, which effectively frame the argument.
task achievement
The writer provides a balanced view, acknowledging both the potential negative impacts and benefits of technology on youngsters' skills.
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