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Writing Samples
Band 8

Some people believe that parents have great influence on children's growth, but others think that influence from the outside plays a more important role. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.

#people #parents #influence #children #growth #role
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Nowadays, the teenage generation has become rude and disrespectful towards other members of society. People are divided in their opinions regarding the circumstances that have a tremendous influence on adolescent behaviour. Some individuals argue that the public has an enormous impact on teenagers,
while
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 others say that it's a parental omission. In my opinion,
parents
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 are not paying enough attention to their
children
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, leading to incorrigible changes in a child's mental and physical ability to respond to relevant behaviour in society. On one hand, adolescents spend a considerable amount of time outside with companies that are not role models for them. Many of them swear, disrespect elders, consume drugs and medications, and behave poorly in public places. When
children
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 start to join these groups, they absorb everything others say like a sponge and mirror the people they communicate with.
For example
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, when
children
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 go to school, they are divided into groups based on interests. Well-behaved individuals sometimes face bullying from classmates. Some may begin to act out or mimic aggressive behaviours they experience in an attempt to fit in or defend themselves, even if it goes against their natural tendencies.
On the other hand
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, a significant percentage of
parents
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 in the 21st century spend all day at work and ignore their
children
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 when they come home.
Due to
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 a lack of attention, support, and affection, adolescents start to feel loneliness, anxiety, and other psychological and mental disorders. Even if
parents
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 have been raising their
children
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 in an appropriate way since birth, there is no evidence that the
children
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 will be well-mannered and respectful.
This
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 can lead to negative consequences in life.
For example
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, adolescents raised in a strict atmosphere tend to try everything that has been prohibited for them,
such
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 as drinking alcohol, smoking cigarettes, or taking drugs. In conclusion,
parents
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 have moral and legal responsibilities towards their kids. Despite raising youngsters correctly and adequately, it does not guarantee that they will be a useful part of society. There may be numerous consequences. From my point of view,
parents
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 play a significant role in shaping the growth and development of
children
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 more than any other individuals.
Submitted by makemoneyizzy16 on

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clarity
Make sure to provide a bit more clarity in your reasoning, especially when addressing the influence of parents and external environments. Try to balance the discussion by equally addressing both sides.
content
Include more diverse examples to better support your arguments. This can help in illustrating your points more vividly and convincingly.
structure
Your essay maintains a clear and logical structure throughout, which makes it easy to follow your argument.
introduction conclusion
The introduction and conclusion are effective and frame the essay well, providing a solid start and finish.
content
Main points are well-supported with relevant information and examples.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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