A growing number of people feel that animals should not be exploited by people and that they should have the same rights as humans, while others argue that humans must employ animals to satisfy their various needs, including uses for food and research. Discuss both views and give your opinion.
There is no denying the fact that dealing with several kinds of
animals
is a significant issue and should be solved wisely . While
it is a commonly held belief that people
believe that animals
should not be expoilted
by Correct your spelling
exploited
exported
people
and should have the same rights as all humans , there is also
an argument that humans must employ animals
to satisfy from
their goods Change preposition
apply
,
and various needs .
Remove the comma
apply
This
essay will analyse this
topic from both point
of Change to a plural noun
points
views
and express my opinion .
On one hand , Fix the agreement mistake
view
animals
are efficient for our environment and should have the same rights as people
. In other words
, governments must impose a
green taxes for violators , who harm Correct article usage
apply
animals
and treat them in inferior
way . Change the article
an inferior
In addition
, our planet must treat animals
in convenient
way because they provide Change the article
a convenient
a
beneficial needs and goods to our health ,Correct article usage
apply
such
as milk and cheese . For example
, chinese
and Change the capitalization
Chinese
korean
Change the capitalization
Korean
people
treat their animals
in comfortable
way Change the article
a comfortable
,
and allocate Remove the comma
apply
for
them a safe shelter ,so Change preposition
apply
this
cause
them to be Change the verb form
causes
an advanced and developed countries
.
Correct the article-noun agreement
an advanced and developed country
advanced and developed countries
On the other hand
, animals
such
as elephants and sheeps
are a major factor in any farms or factories , Correct your spelling
sheep
for example
, in recent centuries animals
were forced to construct a
huge buildings and towers like pyramids . Correct the article-noun agreement
apply
Moreover
, animals
have a vital impact on environmental growth in the majority of countries . For instance
, countries such
as ,
Remove the comma
apply
somalia
and Change the capitalization
Somalia
sudan
depend on Change the capitalization
Sudan
animals
in most of their works
because they can not afford Fix the agreement mistake
work
an immense funds
.
In Correct the article-noun agreement
immense funds
an immense fund
conclusion
there Add a comma
conclusion,
is
no easy answers to Change the verb form
are
this
question . On balance , however
, I tend to believe that animals
are critical for our plant
Correct your spelling
planet
,
because they can afford for us convenient and Remove the comma
apply
accessibility
life .Replace the word
accessible
Submitted by pcah70 on
Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.
clarification
Some sentences are unclear or awkwardly phrased. Ensure that your ideas are clearly expressed and consider revising for clarity.
examples
You have used relevant examples, but more specific and varied examples could enhance your argument. Aim for more precise and detailed examples to support your points.
grammar
There are some grammatical errors and awkward word choices. Careful proofreading and perhaps using a grammar-checking tool can help improve these minor issues.
structure
The essay presents a balanced view and considers both sides of the argument, which is essential for a well-rounded discussion.
comprehensive
The introduction and conclusion are clear and effectively summarize the main ideas of the essay.
logical flow
The essay demonstrates a good logical structure, leading the reader through the arguments and counterarguments effectively.
Fully explain your ideas
To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).
For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:
- Paragraph 1 - Introduction
- Sentence 1 - Background statement
- Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
- Sentence 3 - Thesis
- Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
- Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
- Sentence 1 - Summary
- Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
- Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation
Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.