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Writing Samples
Band 6.5

The table below shows the numbers of visitors to the Ashdown museum during the year before and the year after it was refurbished. The chart shows the results of a survey asking visitors how satisfied they are with their visit during the same two periods.

The table below shows the numbers of visitors to the Ashdown museum during the year before and the year after it was refurbished. The chart shows the results of a survey asking visitors how satisfied they are with their visit during the same two periods.
#numbers #visitors #ashdown #museum #year #results #survey #visit #two #periods
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The table describes the
numbers
Fix the agreement mistake
number
show examples
 of visitors to the Ashdown
musuem
Correct your spelling
museum
 throughout the
year
 before and the
year
 after
is
Correct your spelling
it
show examples
 was refurbished. The results of a survey asking visitors how satisfied
while
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
they
are
Wrong verb form
were
show examples
 with their visit during the same two periods
was
Correct subject-verb agreement
were
show examples
 shown in that chart.
Overall
, it can be pointed out from the chart that, the dissatisfied and the satisfied were the most
while
 the no response was the least.
According to
 the table, during the
year
 of
refurbishment
 74,000 ,and about 92,000 people were during the
year
 after
refurbishment
 were visited the museum. It is obvious from the charts that, the dissatisfied and the very dissatisfied were about 40
Change to a plural noun
years
show examples
year
 before and after
refurbishment
.
As well as
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 the very satisfied started from 15 and jumped up to 35.
However
, the no response stayed stable 5. To compare the very
dissatisfies
Replace the word
dissatisfied
show examples
 were dropped at 10 to
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
5.
Moreover
, 5 % of people the no response and
very
Add a missing verb
were very
show examples
 dissatisfied were shown the
year
 after the
refurbishment
.
Submitted by i.nureddinn on

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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "while".
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Vocabulary: Rephrase your introduction. Words match: 77%.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words year, refurbishment with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "numbers of" in your introduction.
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Vocabulary: The word "chart" was used 3 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "table" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "about" was used 2 times.
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