IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6.5

The table below shows the numbers of visitors to the Ashdown museum during the year before and the year after it was refurbished. The chart shows the results of a survey asking visitors how satisfied they are with their visit during the same two periods.

The table below shows the numbers of visitors to the Ashdown museum during the year before and the year after it was refurbished. The chart shows the results of a survey asking visitors how satisfied they are with their visit during the same two periods.
#numbers #visitors #ashdown #museum #year #results #survey #visit #two #periods
✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
The table describes the
numbers
Fix the agreement mistake
number
show examples
 of visitors to the Ashdown
musuem
Correct your spelling
museum
 throughout the
year
Use synonyms
 before and the
year
Use synonyms
 after
is
Correct your spelling
it
show examples
 was refurbished. The results of a survey asking visitors how satisfied
Linking Words
while
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
they
are
Wrong verb form
were
show examples
 with their visit during the same two periods
was
Correct subject-verb agreement
were
show examples
 shown in that chart.
Overall
Linking Words
, it can be pointed out from the chart that, the dissatisfied and the satisfied were the most
while
Linking Words
 the no response was the least.
According to
Linking Words
 the table, during the
year
Use synonyms
 of
refurbishment
Use synonyms
 74,000 ,and about 92,000 people were during the
year
Use synonyms
 after
refurbishment
Use synonyms
 were visited the museum. It is obvious from the charts that, the dissatisfied and the very dissatisfied were about 40
Change to a plural noun
years
show examples
year
Use synonyms
 before and after
refurbishment
Use synonyms
.
As well as
Linking Words
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 the very satisfied started from 15 and jumped up to 35.
However
Linking Words
, the no response stayed stable 5. To compare the very
dissatisfies
Replace the word
dissatisfied
show examples
 were dropped at 10 to
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
5.
Moreover
Linking Words
, 5 % of people the no response and
very
Add a missing verb
were very
show examples
 dissatisfied were shown the
year
Use synonyms
 after the
refurbishment
Use synonyms
.
Submitted by i.nureddinn on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "while".
▼
Vocabulary: Rephrase your introduction. Words match: 77%.
▼
Vocabulary: Replace the words year, refurbishment with synonyms.
▼
Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "numbers of" in your introduction.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "chart" was used 3 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "table" was used 2 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "about" was used 2 times.
▼
What to do next:
Look at other essays: