Some people decide to start their own business instead of working for a company or organisation. Do the advantages for people working for their own business outweigh the disadvantages?

#people #business #company #organisation

Some people took their decision to open their own

business

instead

of working in the companies.

Firstly

, I think that either opening your own

business

or working

Change preposition

apply

show examples

specific hours for someone depends on your personality , if you are a hard worker I highly recommend opening your shop

however

if you are a lazy person I think that you should work at a company ,

for example

before two years one of my lazy friends has opened his own food restaurant but he could not continue when I asked him for the reasons he told me that he could not continue with all that pressure so he decided to close the restaurant . If you can take all of

this

pressure and move on

then

your own

business

can make you rich after approximately 3 to 5 years

then

you buy whatever you want

for example

my uncle when he was young

Correct pronoun usage

apply

show examples

decided to open his own supermarket so he

starts

Wrong verb form

started

show examples

saving money for 2 years after that he opened his own supermarket

then

he repeated

this

operation , now he just opened his fifth supermarket in Saudi Arabia . In conclusion , opening your own

business

is a great idea if you can bear the disadvantages of it

also

working in companies is not a bad idea at all

Submitted by khalidashgar23 on Thu Aug 01 2024

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task achievement

Try to develop a clearer and more structured introduction. State the topic and your stance more explicitly.

coherence cohesion

Ensure each paragraph has a clear main idea and that ideas flow logically from one to the next.

coherence cohesion

Improve sentence variety and complexity to enhance readability and engagement.

task achievement

Provide more balanced arguments by discussing the disadvantages of starting a business with specific examples.

task achievement

The essay contains relevant examples that support the points being made, which help in illustrating the ideas clearly.

task achievement

Personal stories and examples make the essay more relatable and engaging.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

Paragraph 1 - Introduction

Sentence 1 - Background statement
Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
Sentence 3 - Thesis
Sentence 4 - Outline sentence

Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph

Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
Sentence 2 - Example
Sentence 3 - Discussion
Sentence 4 - Conclusion

Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph

Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
Sentence 2 - Example
Sentence 3 - Discussion
Sentence 4 - Conclusion

Paragraph 4 - Conclusion

Sentence 1 - Summary
Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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7Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
1Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
3Grammar mistakes
 

4 paragraphs

223 words

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 5.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 6.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 6.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 5.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

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Some people decide to start their own business instead of working for a company or organisation. Do the advantages for people working for their own business outweigh the disadvantages?

Fully explain your ideas

Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

In their advertising, businesses nowadays usually emphasize that their products are new in some way. Why is this? Do you think it is a positive or negative development?

In some countries, more and more people are becoming interested in finding out about the history of the house or building they live in. What are the reasons for this? How can people research this?

It is more important for a building to serve purpose than look beautiful , architectures should not worry about producing building as a work of art. Do you agree or disagree?

Billions of dollars are being wasted on space research. The money used could be better if used to improving condition on people on earth. To what extent do you agree or disagree?