Most people are so selfish that not to attend social entertainment like a national festival. Still, they spend time on entertainment. Give reasons for the above issues and how to solve them.
A significant number of people are so selfish that they don't attend the social
Use synonyms
entertainments
Fix the agreement mistake
entertainment
such
as national Linking Words
festival
and Fix the agreement mistake
festivals
Correct your spelling
religions
religious
religons
Correct your spelling
religious ceremonies
cermoney
Correct your spelling
ceremony
ceremonies
while
they still spend time on Linking Words
Use synonyms
entertainments
,I think that attending social Fix the agreement mistake
entertainment
Use synonyms
entertainments
Fix the agreement mistake
entertainment
are
more important than anything else
Correct subject-verb agreement
is
Firstly
, not going to the social Linking Words
Use synonyms
entertainments
can Fix the agreement mistake
entertainment
afford for
you the time to do something more important Verb problem
give
also
if you can't bear Linking Words
with
the Change preposition
apply
croud
I think you must not go there because usually the social Correct your spelling
crowd
Use synonyms
entertainments
places are too crowded , an example Fix the agreement mistake
entertainment
for
Change preposition
of
this
Linking Words
sutiuation
on the Correct your spelling
situation
last
national festival I went with Linking Words
one
of my friends who hates loud noises , just after Use synonyms
one
hour he told me that he can't stay and Use synonyms
then
he left the festival.
Linking Words
On the other
Linking Words
hand
going to the social Add a comma
hand,
Use synonyms
entertainments
is a very important action that Fix the agreement mistake
entertainment
every body
should doCorrect your spelling
everybody
it
Correct pronoun usage
apply
,
because if Remove the comma
apply
no body
Correct your spelling
nobody
went
to the national festivals Wrong verb form
goes
then
after Linking Words
Correct article usage
a couble
couble
of years no Correct your spelling
couple
one
is going to remember the national festivals, Use synonyms
for example
in South Africa before approximately ten years no Linking Words
one
attended the national festival since that time no Use synonyms
one
still Use synonyms
celebrate
with South Africa national day .
In conclusion , social Change the verb form
celebrates
Use synonyms
entertainments
gives Fix the agreement mistake
entertainment
a
value to the country so we need to attend it Correct article usage
apply
in addition
we must tell Linking Words
every body
we meet Correct your spelling
everybody
to
the value of those days Change preposition
apply
also
we can do Linking Words
a campaigns
to Correct the article-noun agreement
a campaign
campaigns
advice
the people to attend .Replace the word
advise
Submitted by khalidashgar23 on
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task achievement
Your essay addresses the task by discussing both sides of the argument, which is good. However, it needs more specific examples and deeper elaboration on the points made.
task achievement
While your ideas are generally clear, there are a few areas where the language could be more precise and varied to express your points more comprehensively.
coherence cohesion
There are some grammatical mistakes and awkward phrases. Pay attention to sentence structure and verb agreements. For example, 'sutiuation' should be 'situation', and 'cermoney' should be 'ceremony'.
coherence cohesion
Ensure that every paragraph has a clear topic sentence and that ideas flow logically from one to the next. Using transitional words could also help in connecting the ideas more smoothly.
coherence cohesion
You have a clear introduction and conclusion, which helps give your essay structure.
task achievement
The essay attempts to provide reasons and solutions, which shows an understanding of the task.
Fully explain your ideas
To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).
For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:
- Paragraph 1 - Introduction
- Sentence 1 - Background statement
- Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
- Sentence 3 - Thesis
- Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
- Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
- Sentence 1 - Summary
- Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
- Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation
Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.