IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6

Some people are of the opinion that financial education should be made a mendatory part of school education do you agree Orissa agri with these people?

#people #education #mendatory #part #school #orissa #agri
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Money
Use synonyms
 has assumed a very important role in our modern life happiness now lies to a great extent in how we manage our financial resources.
This
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 leads many people to believe that financial
education
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 should be made up
compulsory
Correct article usage
a compulsory
show examples
 part of
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school
Correct article usage
the school
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 curriculum I agree with these people. Important financial
education
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to
Change preposition
for
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school
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 children will serve many useful purposes.
Firstly
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,it will teach the value of
money
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 to the youngsters. They will learn not to waste
money
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 on useless things.
Moreover
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, they will get into the habit of saving
money
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 . Gifting them a piggy bank would encourage them to save. That would serve as a useful supplement to the financial management taught to them at
school
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 .
However
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, we must teach them to spend
money
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 wisely,
instead
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 of becoming
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
miserly, a
close fisted
Add a hyphen
close-fisted
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 person. Financial
education
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 taught to children at
school
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 will prove useful to them all through their
life
Fix the agreement mistake
lives
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 later. As the head of a family, they would know how to manage their finances, where to spend and where not to spend.
For example
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, If they run a business, they will be aware of all the
pitfall
Fix the agreement mistake
pitfalls
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 that would save their business from failure. Not only that; they will know how to manage the business and turn it into a profitable venture. Financial
education
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 at
school
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 will
also
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 serve as a foundation for those who turn
economists
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into economists
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 in later life.
To conclude
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, learning financial
education
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 at
school
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 will make a person prosperous in adulthood. And prosperity would make for happiness,for, as the saying goes : 'A heavy purse makes a light heart'.
Submitted by komalpreetcheema07 on

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task achievement
To enhance task achievement, use more precise vocabulary and avoid minor errors that may distract the reader. For example, correct typographical errors such as 'mendatory' to 'mandatory' and 'Orissa agri' to 'or disagree.'
coherence cohesion
Improve coherence by ensuring smooth transitions between ideas. Minor improvements in phrasing and sentence structure can further unify the essay.
coherence cohesion
To elevate the coherence and cohesion, explicitly link examples back to the main argument, reinforcing the connection between points made and the essay’s thesis.
task achievement
The essay provides a clear and cogent argument for including financial education in the school curriculum. It includes thoughtful examples and extensions of the main idea, which effectively convey the writer’s stance.
coherence cohesion
The logical flow of the essay is strong. Each paragraph builds upon the previous one, clearly outlining the benefits of financial education.
coherence cohesion
The conclusion effectively summarizes the main points and reiterates the thesis in a compelling way, leaving a lasting impression.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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