IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5.5

Modern buildings appear in large numbers, but some people believe that we should build our buildings in traditional styles. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#buildings #numbers #people #styles
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In the present days, limited land availability
made
Verb problem
has
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buildings
Use synonyms
 established in modern saving-space styles.
In contrast
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, many people argue that traditional
buildings
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 are better than modern ones. I partially agree that traditional
buildings
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 will appear more cultured,
hence
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 the modern building has a value of environment conservation.
To begin
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 with, traditional houses bring the local culture’s value within their architectural designs,
therefore
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 it adds their fineness. In Indonesia, Javanese people always put a certain meaning into their house’s design,
such
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 as lower ground always established in front of the front terrace so that the guests will not forget to bow down and bend to the host family when they come to visit.
Accordingly
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, traditional houses bring a lot of society’s value.
On the contrary
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, modern
buildings
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 often have a high altitude and are designed with many rooms so that the building will hold a large amount of occupants. Other than becoming a solution for land scarcity, modern
buildings
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also
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 become a solution for environmental preservation. Modern architectural design will equip the building with
environmentally
Correct article usage
an environmentally
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 friendly system,
for instance
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, sustainable small-scale wastewater treatment inside the building and enough space for trees to grow around it.
However
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, there is a tiny chance for culture’s adaptation to these modern-style
buildings
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.
To sum up
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, I somewhat agree that we should establish
buildings
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 in the traditional style, considering their culture’s conservation. But, putting land scarcity and environmental preservation into the table makes the modern building the best option for
this
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 present condition.
Submitted by annisaseptidwiyanti on

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task achievement
Clarify your main argument in the introduction for a stronger thesis statement. State clearly whether you lean more towards traditional or modern buildings.
coherence cohesion
Ensure each paragraph contains a clear topic sentence that directly relates to your thesis statement. This will improve the essay's logical structure.
task achievement
Expand on your ideas and provide detailed explanations. Some points feel briefly mentioned and could be discussed more thoroughly to showcase a comprehensive understanding.
coherence cohesion
Use transitional phrases more effectively to improve coherence and guide the reader smoothly from one idea to the next. For instance, words like 'Furthermore,' 'Moreover,' and 'On the other hand,' can be useful.
coherence cohesion
The essay is well-structured with a clear introduction and conclusion, which enhances readability.
task achievement
Relevant and specific examples are provided, such as the Javanese house design, which bolster your points effectively.

Word Count

IELTS says that you should write a minimum of 250 words in writing task 2. If you go under word count you will lose marks in task response.

A very long essay will not give you a higher band score.

Aim for between 260 to 290 words in writing task 2. This will ensure a concise essay and will be realistic in terms of time management. You have only 40 minutes to write the essay and you need around 10 minutes of planning time, so you will not be able to write a long essay in 30 minutes.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • cultural preservation
  • regional styles
  • aesthetic value
  • intricate craftsmanship
  • stood the test of time
  • incorporate new technologies
  • sustainable materials
  • environmentally friendly
  • space utilization
  • functional design
  • open floor plans
  • access to natural light
  • versatile spaces
  • blending traditional and modern styles
  • cultural heritage
  • contemporary advancements
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