IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 7.5

Some people say that technological gadgets like smart phones have made life easier and more convenient. Other people say that they have made life more complex and stressful. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.

#people #gadgets #phones #life
In the past few decades, with the spectacular advancements in technology, lots of electronic
devices
such
 as smartphones, tablets, and electronic home appliances have been introduced to the market.
While
 some believe that these
gadgets
 have had a significant role in improving our
lives
 in every aspect, others think the opposite and believe that these
devices
 are the source of stress in our
lives
. In
this
 essay, I am going to explore both views and elaborate on my own. People who believe in the beneficial influences of technological
gadgets
 in our
lives
, demonstrate some irrefutable facts. They are of the view that these electronic
devices
 have not only made our lifestyle easier but
also
 more efficient. Tasks are being sorted out with less effort and in a much shorter time.
For instance
, in the past, individuals used to buy heavy, bulky encyclopedias to search for scientific facts, but nowadays one can browse through the internet on their laptop and learn about any topic.
In addition
, the other advantageous feature of electronic
devices
such
 as smartphones is how they have made telecommunication more convenient and faster. People can now easily start a video call with their friends and family all over the world using internet-based applications on their smartphones.
On the other hand
, some critics think that these
devices
 could be harmful to us causing lots of trouble and anxiety. Their main debate is that people are getting addicted to these tools, and spend way too much time on using them, resulting in an extreme decrease in the quality of life. As an example, youngsters, who are supposed to be active and energetic, spend more time at home engaging in sedentary indoor activities
such
 as playing video games on their laptops,
instead
 of going out to have outdoor activities. On top of that, the level of stress has
also
 increased so much in some individuals. One of the underlying causes of
this
 stress is the issue of news availability. We are exposed to all the terrible news from all over the world
due to
 the social media applications in our electronic
gadgets
. The more awful news we hear, the more stressed we become. All in all,
while
 some consider these technological
devices
 beneficial because of the fact that our life is more convenient with them, some others quite disagree as they think these
gadgets
 have influenced our
lives
 negatively. From my point of view, the first opinion is more in line with my thoughts. I assume if we learn how to utilize these tools properly and try to manage our utilization, there will not only be any complications, but
also
 lots of benefits.
Submitted by basri.fateme on

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task achievement
While your essay provides a clear response to the task prompt, elaborating a bit more on both sides of the argument can strengthen your points further. Adding more specific examples can also enrich your essay.
coherence cohesion
Although your essay is well-structured and flows logically, using transitional phrases and linking words more frequently can improve cohesion. Additionally, ensuring each paragraph focuses on a single idea can enhance clarity.
general
Make sure to proofread for small grammatical errors and awkward phrasing. This will make your essay even more polished and professional.
introduction conclusion
Your introduction and conclusion are exceptionally well-written, clearly outlining the topic and summarizing your viewpoint effectively.
supported main points
The main points are supported with relevant examples, making your arguments more convincing and grounded in real-life scenarios.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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