IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5.5

People want to buy famous brands of clothes, cars and other items. Reason? Is it positive and negative?

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The sales of branded wardrobes,
cars
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 and other
items
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 have been increasing over the period
due to
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 the spread of advertising
as well as
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 offered
quality
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.
Although
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 branded
clothes
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,
cars
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 or other
things
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 affect the sales of local
products
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, their
quality
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 and the comfort they provide to
people
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 are
also
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 important.
Therefore
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people
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 choose fashionable
clothes
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. Nowadays,
people
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 are becoming fashion lovers and they want to look fashionable.
That is
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 why, they prefer to pick out markable
clothes
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,
cars
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 and other
items
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.
For example
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, if we buy Nike brand
clothes
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 or Mersedec-benz brand
cars
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, they offer customers not only comfort and
quality
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,
Remove the comma
apply
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 but
also
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 luxury and fashion styles.
In addition
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,
people
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 who love fashion, always want to purchase the latest versions of
things
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. In my view, everyone always wants to buy good
quality
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things
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 and they try to achieve
this
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, so branded thins always stay in the pick.
However
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, some
people
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considered
Wrong verb form
consider
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 that buying markable
clothes
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,
cars
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 or other
items
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affect
Correct subject-verb agreement
affects
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 decreased sales of local
products
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.
Although
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 the impact of the local business, it protects the population of the country from the monopoly. If
people
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 do not purchase branded
things
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 at all,
such
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 as
clothes
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,
cars
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 or other
things
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, the local
businessman
Fix the agreement mistake
businessmen
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 will increase the monopoly for their bad
quality
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 goods. It is banned for
people
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 to buy other branded types of goods rather than local
products
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. In conclusion, It is good for the community to buy branded
items
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 not only because of their advertising and good elements but
also
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 because they provide
people
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 with comfort and fashionable style. The sale of
such
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products
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 protects the country from the monopoly of local goods.

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introduction
Your introduction sets the stage for the essay but could be more explicit in outlining the main points you will discuss. Consider adding a sentence summarizing your key arguments.
cohesion
The essay demonstrates a decent flow from one point to the next, but some ideas could be linked more cohesively. Use more linking words and phrases to improve the flow of arguments and paragraphs.
coherence
Some sentences could be rephrased for clarity and readability. For example, 'Although the impact of the local business, it protects the population of the country from the monopoly' could be clearer as 'While branded items impact local businesses, they help prevent monopolies.
task response
Your task response is generally strong, but ensure you address both sides of the argument equally. While you discussed both the positives and negatives, there was a slight leaning toward the advantages of branded items.
examples
The essay provides relevant and specific examples which reinforce your points effectively, such as mentioning Nike and Mercedes-Benz.
conclusion
The conclusion effectively summarizes the main points of the essay, reinforcing your opinion.
task response
The essay clearly comprehends the task and responds to it effectively, addressing both the causes of preference for branded items and their positive and negative impacts.
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