Some people think we should do more to prevent crimes, while others believe that we can do little for this problem. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

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It is often believed that more prevention of

crimes

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is necessary

whereas

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some

people

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are less optimistic about their roles in reducing them. I partially agree with the former view, for an increasing

number

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of wrongdoings in their various kinds regardless of the fact that the advancement of technology has made it more demanding for

people

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to tackle complicated

crimes

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in modern society. On the one hand, more active approaches are crucial in reducing the rate of

crimes

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as more

people

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feel threatened by them today.

In other words

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, many

people

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have become more suspicious of strangers in modern life, where there are a

number

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of serious issues that remain unsolved

such

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as the growing poverty, rising unemployment rate and the accelerating rise of food prices.

For instance

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, the

number

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of robberies in Japan increased dramatically approximately by 15% in 2023 with over 40,000 reported cases

in contrast

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to less than 30,000 in 2020.

Thus

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, the deteriorating condition of society has made more innocent

people

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involved in the wrongdoings, depriving their safety and satisfaction in daily life.

On the other hand

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people

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's struggling efforts to prevent criminal activities are often helpless

due to

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the incredible advancement of technology, which allows offenders to commit various

crimes

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without the acknowledgement of the public. Indeed,

people

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can easily become victims of others in a digital world, where their private information including a bank account

as well as

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a social security

number

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is somehow stolen by others without leaving any trace of them behind.

Furthermore

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, harassing others online has

also

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become more prevalent, and solutions are yet to be found

due to

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technical difficulties.

Therefore

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, preventing these problems is far from easy and authorities should focus on the development of other fields like education and welfare, from which

people

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can gain more direct benefits. In conclusion, I somewhat agree that

people

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should make more contributions to avoid the increasing

number

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of illegal acts, especially when they rise at an accelerating speed, making

people

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lose their trust in other

people

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and feel insecure.

However

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, current

crimes

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, which have been made more complex by the progress of technology, have made it almost impossible to prevent them, making investment in education and welfare rather more essential.

mizuhoFri Aug 02 2024

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coherence cohesion

Ensure clear and direct topic sentences are present in each paragraph to enhance logical structure.

task achievement

Clarify the introduction by specifying your stance more explicitly. For example, state 'I believe that...' to make your opinion clear.

coherence cohesion

Use varied connecting words and phrases to improve flow between sentences and paragraphs.

coherence cohesion

The essay has a well-defined structure with an introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion.

task achievement

You've given specific and relevant examples to support your arguments, such as the rise in robberies in Japan.

task achievement

The ideas presented are comprehensive and cover multiple aspects of the problem.

13
Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
3
Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
0
Grammar mistakes
detected issues

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 8.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 9.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 7.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

4 paragraphs

369 words

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