Some people think we should do more to prevent crimes, while others believe that we can do little for this problem. Discuss both views and give your opinion.
It is often believed that more prevention of
crimes
is necessary whereas
some people
are less optimistic about their roles in reducing them. I partially agree with the former view, for an increasing number
of wrongdoings in their various kinds regardless of the fact that the advancement of technology has made it more demanding for people
to tackle complicated crimes
in modern society.
On the one hand, more active approaches are crucial in reducing the rate of crimes
as more people
feel threatened by them today. In other words
, many people
have become more suspicious of strangers in modern life, where there are a number
of serious issues that remain unsolved such
as the growing poverty, rising unemployment rate and the accelerating rise of food prices. For instance
, the number
of robberies in Japan increased dramatically approximately by 15% in 2023 with over 40,000 reported cases in contrast
to less than 30,000 in 2020. Thus
, the deteriorating condition of society has made more innocent people
involved in the wrongdoings, depriving their safety and satisfaction in daily life.
On the other hand
, people
's struggling efforts to prevent criminal activities are often helpless due to
the incredible advancement of technology, which allows offenders to commit various crimes
without the acknowledgement of the public. Indeed, people
can easily become victims of others in a digital world, where their private information including a bank account as well as
a social security number
is somehow stolen by others without leaving any trace of them behind. Furthermore
, harassing others online has also
become more prevalent, and solutions are yet to be found due to
technical difficulties. Therefore
, preventing these problems is far from easy and authorities should focus on the development of other fields like education and welfare, from which people
can gain more direct benefits.
In conclusion, I somewhat agree that people
should make more contributions to avoid the increasing number
of illegal acts, especially when they rise at an accelerating speed, making people
lose their trust in other people
and feel insecure. However
, current crimes
, which have been made more complex by the progress of technology, have made it almost impossible to prevent them, making investment in education and welfare rather more essential.Submitted by mizuho on
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coherence cohesion
Ensure clear and direct topic sentences are present in each paragraph to enhance logical structure.
task achievement
Clarify the introduction by specifying your stance more explicitly. For example, state 'I believe that...' to make your opinion clear.
coherence cohesion
Use varied connecting words and phrases to improve flow between sentences and paragraphs.
coherence cohesion
The essay has a well-defined structure with an introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion.
task achievement
You've given specific and relevant examples to support your arguments, such as the rise in robberies in Japan.
task achievement
The ideas presented are comprehensive and cover multiple aspects of the problem.
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