IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7.5

Some people believe that no one should be allowed to continue working after the age of 65. However, others say there shouldn’t be a limitation on age, and anyone should be allowed to work regardless of their age. Discuss both views, give your opinion and include relevant examples.

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Some individuals think that all
people
Use synonyms
 should have the freedom to continue working no matter how old they are
while
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 others think there should be a limitation on working ages for
people
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 after 65. Personally, before giving my opinion, I would like to discuss both views in more detail in
this
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 essay.
To begin
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, it is thought that individuals should be allowed to continue working regardless of their age because it contributes to the increase of workforces in societies
as well as
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 decrease the burden of finance for retired organizations.
For example
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, in developed countries,
such
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 as The US shortage of labour is a significant issue and they must hire employees from developing countries and underdeveloped countries, like, Vietnam, Thailand, Lao and many more.
Therefore
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, the regulation of retirement is 67
years
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 old in America partly helps to solve labor shortage issues.
This
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 regulation not only helps pension funds to reduce expenses but
also
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 increases the amount of money tax that each worker over 65
years
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 old contributes to the government.
On the other hand
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, others argue that
people
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 over 65
years
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 old should be prevented to continue working because they have both physical and mental health problems,
such
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 as cardiovascular disease, diabetes, high blood pressure, memory loss and much more .
Hence
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, it will be easy to suffer injuries in the process of working. To illustrate, If those who are over 65
years
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 old
work
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 in a sales department, they will not have enough health to stand and convince customers for hours. In terms of manual labour
such
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 as building, the elderly will be easy to fall down or dizzy if they
work
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 outside and under sunny.
Furthermore
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, nowadays, employers require employees the particular knowledge of technology, and
this
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 seems that workers after 65
years
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 old are outdated and unsuitable because the lifestyle of the elderly makes them are not interested in technology.
Besides
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, their eyes and bones have problems so they can not sit and stare at the screen for long hours.
Consequently
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, to ensure the safety of
people
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 and properties, we should avoid letting individuals after 65
years
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 old continue working. In conclusion, some believe that
people
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 should be allowed to go on to
work
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 at all ages because it helps to address the shortage of labour problems
as well as
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 to reduce the burden of retirement payments.
However
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, I believe that citizens after the age of 65 should be banned to keep on working because their health is not only unsafety at
work
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 but
also
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 poor productivity.

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coherence cohesion
Your essay is structured logically, but refining the transitions between sentences and paragraphs can further enhance the flow.
task achievement
Ensure accuracy in language use. For example, correct "they must hire employees" to "they often need to hire employees."
task achievement
Try to avoid minor grammatical errors. For instance, "people over 65 years old should be prevented to continue working" should be "prevented from continuing to work."
coherence cohesion
Your essay has a clear introduction and conclusion that neatly frame your arguments.
task achievement
You have provided relevant and specific examples to support your points, which enhances the effectiveness of your argument.
task achievement
The essay covers both perspectives and provides your own opinion clearly and comprehensively.

Word Count

IELTS says that you should write a minimum of 250 words in writing task 2. If you go under word count you will lose marks in task response.

A very long essay will not give you a higher band score.

Aim for between 260 to 290 words in writing task 2. This will ensure a concise essay and will be realistic in terms of time management. You have only 40 minutes to write the essay and you need around 10 minutes of planning time, so you will not be able to write a long essay in 30 minutes.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • mandatory retirement age
  • age discrimination
  • work-life balance
  • economic stability
  • pension plans
  • life expectancy
  • older workforce
  • job market dynamics
  • intergenerational workplace
  • financial pressure
  • mentorship
  • productivity
  • new technologies
  • physical or mental decline
  • personal freedom
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