IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6

Some parents want their children to read only serious educational books at all times.They don't want their children to read any entertainment books because they think it is a waste of time.Do you agree or disagree with this opinion?why?

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Some parents think that they should not allow their
children
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 to read
entertainment
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books
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 since they can waste time and their
children
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 should read only serious educational
books
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. I totally disagree with
this
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 statement because non-serious
books
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 offer essential life
skills
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 and
children
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 can
also
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 increase their
self awareness
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self-awareness
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 through
entertainment
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books
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.
Although
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 academic
books
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 provide useful information, other kinds of
books
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 play an important role in providing crucial practical
skills
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. The objectives of many
entertainment
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books
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 are not only for fun but
also
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teaching
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to teach
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 life
skills
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 in more engaging ways.
For example
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, Haikyu, a famous anime book talking about Japanese volleyball tournaments, not only aims to entertain readers but
also
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 shows great elements of team building.
Moreover
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, discipline and other good characteristics of athletes are mentioned.
Therefore
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,
children
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 can learn about teamwork, friendship, and
also
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 other practical
skills
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 by reading non-academic
books
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. Another reason why
children
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 should be allowed to read
entertainment
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books
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 is they can be more aware of themselves and their needs. Many biography
books
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 tell stories about other people's lives, especially famous persons. By exploring other lives,
children
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 will learn about various career opportunities, not being restricted to only a small group of jobs.
For example
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, a book written about songwriters' or even music directors' lives can probably inspire pupils to choose their future careers more wisely. They can perhaps apply to music universities to follow their dreams. In conclusion,
while
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 many parents argue that non-academic
books
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 should be prohibited because it is a waste of time, I strongly believe that those
books
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 are beneficial. They offer many vital life
skills
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 and help
children
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exploring
Wrong verb form
explore
show examples
 career opportunities as well.

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task achievement
Ensure each paragraph fully develops its main idea with supporting details and examples. For instance, expanding on how teamwork is important to children's development could strengthen your argument.
coherence and cohesion
Consider providing transitional phrases or linking words to enhance the flow between ideas and paragraphs, making it easier for the reader to follow your argument.
task achievement
Introduce the concept of balance in reading habits earlier in the essay, which can help to solidify your stance against the belief that only educational books should be read.
task achievement
Your arguments are well-structured, and you clearly present your opinion on the topic, which is essential in an IELTS essay.
task achievement
The use of specific examples, such as Haikyu, effectively supports your points and demonstrates a good understanding of the subject matter.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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