IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 5

Many people around the world spend the majority of their free time at home watching TV shows. What are the advantages and disadvantages of this situation?

#people #world #majority #time #home #tv #situation
Majority
Correct article usage
The majority
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 of people around the world waste their free time by spending it at home and watching
TV
 shows.
In
Change preposition
This
show examples
this
 essay will cover the advantages and disadvantages of
this
 controversial situation and my personal opinion will
finally
 be given. One major advantage is that
human
Fix the agreement mistake
humans
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 will be in touch with
world
Add an article
the world
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.
For example
,
in
Change preposition
apply
show examples
television shows news on news channels, where
person
Fix the agreement mistake
people
show examples
 can see what happening in the world. Another benefit is that humans can learn new.
For instance
, there are many
TV
 programs
where
Correct word choice
that
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 explain how to cook, sew, dance
and
Correct word choice
apply
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et cetera. Thanks to
this
Correct determiner usage
these
show examples
 programs, everyone can discover something new for them without leaving home.
The
Correct article usage
Last
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last
 but not least, seat at
house
Add an article
the house
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 and
watch
Wrong verb form
watching
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 cable can be a form of
relaxing
Replace the word
relaxation
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 or entertainment.
To give
Verb problem
For
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an
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
instance, there are several programs with meditation, that could help to forget about difficult
day
Fix the agreement mistake
days
show examples
.
On the other hand
, it could be a waste of time.
For example
,
due to
 the fact people just
seat
Verb problem
sit
show examples
 at house and watch
TV
 they start procrastinating.
Meanwhile
Add a comma
Meanwhile,
show examples
 humans do it,
Correct word choice
and another
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another
Correct quantifier usage
other
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 individuals work hard and do sport.
Also
, despite to benefits, it could be harmful
for
Change the preposition
to
show examples
body
Add an article
the body
show examples
.
For instance
, because of blue light from cable
humans
Fix the agreement mistake
human
show examples
 eyesight is deteriorating. If
persons
Replace the word
people
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 do not care
of
Change preposition
for
show examples
 themselves,
then
 health problems can get bigger and worsen in the future. Having
upsides
Correct article usage
the upsides
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 and downsides of the issue considered, I strongly believe that
spend
Wrong verb form
spending
show examples
 the majority of
free
Correct pronoun usage
my free
show examples
 time at home watching
TV
 shows
do
Correct subject-verb agreement
does
show examples
 not deserve any change to be
good
Change the article
a good
show examples
 idea. By doing
this
, people
of
Change preposition
on
show examples
this
 planet miss half of their lives.
Submitted by bellovanina97 on

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task response
Your essay provides a clear response to the task and covers both advantages and disadvantages as required. However, some points could be expanded and explored in more detail to strengthen your argument. Additionally, there are some grammatical errors and awkward phrases that can disrupt the flow and clarity of your essay. Focusing on sentence structure and grammar would improve readability.
coherence cohesion
The essay has a logical structure with a clear introduction and conclusion. Each paragraph addresses a specific point which helps in understanding your argument. However, the transition between some points could be smoother, and some ideas could be better developed. Working on coherence and ensuring each point is well-connected will enhance the overall quality of your essay.
task response
You have a clear introduction and conclusion, and the essay is structured logically. Your points are relevant to the topic, which demonstrates good understanding of the task requirements.
supporting main points
You provide specific examples to support your points, which helps in illustrating your arguments. This is a positive aspect of your essay and shows your ability to use relevant examples effectively.
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