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Writing Samples
Band 5.5

Some people prefer to travel by car while others prefer to take the bicycle. Which of these do you prefer? What are the advantages and disadvantages of traveling by a car and a bicycle?

#people #travel #car #bicycle #do
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Travelling is the most important thing in today's time some people
travel
 by
car
while
 some people
travel
 by
bicycle
.Different communities have different preferences.I prefer to
travel
 by
car
.Both
cars
 and
bicycles
 have their own
advantages
 and disadvantages.We will look at both
advantages
 and disadvantages in the essay.
Cars
 have many
advantages
. It is easy to
travel
 by
car
 as there is no need for the physical effort of the body.
In addition
, we can
travel
 long distances by
car
 in short intervals of time and more comfortably.
While
 disadvantages of vehicles are that Having a
car
 can be very expensive
such
 as, we have to pay for the
fuel
 and parking.
For example
, we went to Murree
last
 year by
car
. We were in Murree in an hour.Our all family was fresh and full of energy because of the fact that we did not need to put any physical effort into driving the vehicle.So, we can say that
cars
 create more ease than
bicycles
. at the same time, we had to pay for the
fuel
 during the travelling and we had to pay for parking during the stay. The
advantages
 of
bicycles
 are that we can avoid creating pollution in our surroundings and
also
 having a
bicycle
 can be cheap As we don't have to pay for
fuel
 and expensive parking
also
 we can carry our
bicycles
 with us very easily.The disadvantage of a
bicycle
 is that it requires physical effort.
For instance
,I go for my home groceries on my
bicycle
.It does not pollute the environment
also
 I do not have to pay for
fuel
 in
this
 way
i
Change the capitalization
I
show examples
 save some money
also
 I do not have to pay for parking because I carry my
bicycle
 with me. In conclusion, I will say that it is better to use
cars
.We can see that the
advantages
 of
cars
 outweigh the
advantages
 of
bicycles
.
Although
,
bicycles
 can be cheap
cars
 are comfortable and can create more ease for people who
travel
 long distances
Submitted by Saad Kamal on

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coherence cohesion
Improve the sentence structure and punctuation in the introduction. Ensure that sentences are complete and properly punctuated to enhance readability.
coherence cohesion
Work on varying your sentence structures to avoid repetitive patterns, and consider using more sophisticated vocabulary.
coherence cohesion
Ensure that each paragraph transitions smoothly into the next to improve the logical flow of the essay.
task achievement
Provide clearer topic sentences for each paragraph, summarizing the main point you will discuss.
task achievement
Further develop the disadvantages of bicycles, as the discussion seems less extensive compared to the advantages.
task achievement
Expand on your conclusion to succinctly summarize the main points made in the essay, rather than introducing new ideas or appearing too abrupt.
task achievement
You have included specific examples to support your points, which strengthens your arguments.
coherence cohesion
Your essay contains a conclusion that restates your opinion, which helps to clearly signal the end of the discussion.
coherence cohesion
The essay is well-organized with distinct paragraphs discussing both positives and negatives of cars and bicycles.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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