IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5.5

Some people prefer to travel by car while others prefer to take the bicycle. Which of these do you prefer? What are the advantages and disadvantages of traveling by a car and a bicycle?

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Travelling is the most important thing in today's time some people
travel
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 by
car
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while
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 some people
travel
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 by
bicycle
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.Different communities have different preferences.I prefer to
travel
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 by
car
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.Both
cars
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 and
bicycles
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 have their own
advantages
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 and disadvantages.We will look at both
advantages
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 and disadvantages in the essay.
Cars
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 have many
advantages
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. It is easy to
travel
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 by
car
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 as there is no need for the physical effort of the body.
In addition
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, we can
travel
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 long distances by
car
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 in short intervals of time and more comfortably.
While
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 disadvantages of vehicles are that Having a
car
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 can be very expensive
such
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 as, we have to pay for the
fuel
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 and parking.
For example
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, we went to Murree
last
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 year by
car
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. We were in Murree in an hour.Our all family was fresh and full of energy because of the fact that we did not need to put any physical effort into driving the vehicle.So, we can say that
cars
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 create more ease than
bicycles
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. at the same time, we had to pay for the
fuel
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 during the travelling and we had to pay for parking during the stay. The
advantages
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 of
bicycles
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 are that we can avoid creating pollution in our surroundings and
also
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 having a
bicycle
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 can be cheap As we don't have to pay for
fuel
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 and expensive parking
also
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 we can carry our
bicycles
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 with us very easily.The disadvantage of a
bicycle
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 is that it requires physical effort.
For instance
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,I go for my home groceries on my
bicycle
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.It does not pollute the environment
also
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 I do not have to pay for
fuel
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 in
this
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 way
i
Change the capitalization
I
show examples
 save some money
also
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 I do not have to pay for parking because I carry my
bicycle
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 with me. In conclusion, I will say that it is better to use
cars
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.We can see that the
advantages
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 of
cars
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 outweigh the
advantages
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 of
bicycles
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.
Although
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,
bicycles
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 can be cheap
cars
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 are comfortable and can create more ease for people who
travel
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 long distances

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coherence cohesion
Improve the sentence structure and punctuation in the introduction. Ensure that sentences are complete and properly punctuated to enhance readability.
coherence cohesion
Work on varying your sentence structures to avoid repetitive patterns, and consider using more sophisticated vocabulary.
coherence cohesion
Ensure that each paragraph transitions smoothly into the next to improve the logical flow of the essay.
task achievement
Provide clearer topic sentences for each paragraph, summarizing the main point you will discuss.
task achievement
Further develop the disadvantages of bicycles, as the discussion seems less extensive compared to the advantages.
task achievement
Expand on your conclusion to succinctly summarize the main points made in the essay, rather than introducing new ideas or appearing too abrupt.
task achievement
You have included specific examples to support your points, which strengthens your arguments.
coherence cohesion
Your essay contains a conclusion that restates your opinion, which helps to clearly signal the end of the discussion.
coherence cohesion
The essay is well-organized with distinct paragraphs discussing both positives and negatives of cars and bicycles.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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