It is inevitable that as technology advances, traditional cultures will be lost. It seems that we cannot have these two things together. Do you agree or disagree?
Nowadays, there is a phenomenon that more
technology
develops significantly, the
old Correct word choice
and the
culture
is more likely to be removed. For that reason, it is difficult to progress with both. I strongly agree that it is not easy for people to keep their old culture
safe when/as technology
advances day by day. Because compared to the outdated culture
, high/advanced technology
gives us the opportunity to save time
and live longer in modern times.
A primary factor contributing to not being able/the inability to progress both of
Change preposition
apply
technology
and traditional culture
at the same time
is that technology
produces many more goods than traditional methods produce. The rationale behind this
is that modern technology
is much faster in industrialisation, which can lead to an increase in the number of consumers. For example
, I was involved in a big railway construction project that required only two teams with no more than eighty employees for 18 months. A hundred years ago, a project just like this
one required over a thousand workers to work for over ten years using a traditional method. Therefore
, it is evident that using advanced technologies
plays a crucial role in saving time
.
Equally important is the role of applying new technologies
to help people live longer than they used to in the past due to
applying traditional lifestyles to their lives
. Such
a factor ensures that scientists discovered a new way to extend the life expectancy of humans using microscope surgery. A clear example of this
can be seen in a recent case where New York University hospital’s doctors, using a microscope instrument, successfully executed brain surgery and extended the patient’s lifespan by fifteen years. Thus
, it is obvious that implementing medical technologies
in our lives
reinforces long lives
.
In conclusion, it is clear that
advanced technology
can save us more time
and lengthen our lives
. As highlighted, using new technologies
in our lives
plays a pivotal role in ensuring that companies produce quickly and prevent health problems.Submitted by nbogey777 on
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task achievement
Your essay effectively introduces the topic and presents a clear stance, which contributes to a cohesive response. You have successfully explained the relationship between technological advancement and the loss of traditional culture. To further improve, consider providing more specific details to strengthen your main points.
coherence cohesion
While your essay is logically structured with clear paragraphs, some sentences could be more concise to enhance readability. Additionally, transitioning between ideas could be smoother. Try using varied transition phrases to connect your points better.
task achievement
Support your main arguments with more specific and detailed examples. This will help illustrate your points and make your argument more convincing.
coherence cohesion
You have a clear and logical essay structure, with a well-defined introduction, body, and conclusion. This makes your argument easy to follow.
task achievement
The essay includes relevant examples that are appropriately linked to the main points. This adds depth to your arguments.