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Band 6.5

Some people say that art subjects such as painting or drawing should not be made compulsory for high school students. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#people #art #subjects #school #students
The debate over whether
art
subjects
 like painting and drawing should be compulsory for high school
students
 continues to elicit diverse opinions.
While
 some argue these
subjects
 are non-essential and should remain optional, I strongly disagree and believe that
art
subjects
 should be mandatory
due to
 their broader educational and personal benefits.
Firstly
, the inclusion of
art
subjects
 in the curriculum fosters creativity and critical thinking among
students
.
Art
 encourages
students
 to think outside the box, which is crucial not only for artistic pursuits but
also
 for solving problems in other academic fields and in life.
Additionally
, engaging in artistic
endeavors
Change the spelling
endeavours
show examples
 enables
students
 to develop a better understanding of cultural histories and perspectives, making them more well-rounded individuals. By learning to appreciate and create
art
,
students
 gain a broader perspective on the world, which can be particularly beneficial in developing empathy and social awareness.
Secondly
,
art
subjects
 provide essential emotional and psychological benefits. Adolescence is a time of significant emotional and psychological development, and
art
 can serve as an important outlet for self-expression and stress relief. Engaging in activities like painting and drawing allows
students
 to process their emotions in a constructive manner, leading to better mental health.
Furthermore
,
art
 education promotes the development of fine motor skills and enhances cognitive abilities, which are valuable in various aspects of life, including future careers and personal relationships. In conclusion,
while
 it might be tempting to prioritize
subjects
 that directly affect university admissions, making
art
 compulsory in high schools ensures that
students
 develop a balanced skill set and emotional intelligence. These attributes are foundational for their future success and well-being.
Submitted by marykoog7 on

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task achievement
Consider providing more specific examples or evidence to strengthen the support for your main points. For instance, you could mention studies or real-life scenarios where art education has benefited students.
coherence cohesion
Although your essay is well-structured, ensure that each paragraph flows smoothly to the next. Transitional phrases could be used more effectively to enhance the logical progression of ideas.
task achievement
You have addressed the task effectively by presenting a clear stance and supporting arguments for why art subjects should be compulsory in high school.
coherence cohesion
Your essay features a logical structure with a clear introduction, body paragraphs, and conclusion. The main points are well-supported and contribute to the overall argument.

Use a variety of complex and simple sentences

You should use complex sentences in your writing, but it does not mean that you should try to make all of our sentences complex.

‘Complex’ sentences are not actually very complex; they are just two or more simple sentences put together. Putting them together makes the essay more coherent and cohesive.

Examples:

I really want to study but I’m too tired.

I wore a warm coat because the weather was cold.

If action is not taken soon on climate change, global warming will get worse.

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Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • foster
  • creativity
  • imagination
  • emotional intelligence
  • express themselves
  • compulsory
  • hidden talents
  • detract
  • core subjects
  • inclination
  • stressful
  • unproductive
  • critical thinking
  • problem-solving skills
  • universal appeal
  • cultural education
  • diverse backgrounds
  • standardized testing
  • academic performance
  • quality
  • creativity
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