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Writing Samples
Band 6.5

Some people say that advertising is extremely successful at persuading us to buy things. Other people think that advertising is so common that we no longer pay attention to it. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.

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Advertisements
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 of products can create
interest
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 and desire to buy if these products are new and uncommon.
However
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,if
people
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 had seen these
advertisements
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 several times,they lost
interest
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. In my point of view,
although
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 buyers want to buy things,which are uncommon and advertised by hugely popular celebrities,they are not necessary or unusable. Advertising is not useful to get
attention
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 and
this
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 argument has several reasons. At the outset,
people
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 lose
interest
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 in the things,which are common and experienced in their lives. Because they know how
this
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 gadget works or how tastes
this
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 meal.
As a result
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 of losing
attention
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,they do not want to buy or use it.
Moreover
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, as
people
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 have been seeing
advertisements
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 for dozens of years, paper-based or e-version
advertisements
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 have become the basic thing.
For example
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,
people
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 see over 2000
advertisements
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 on banners,papers,the internet,TV or radio and
as a result
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,they do not pay
attention
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 to them. Advertising
materials
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 can help to increase of selling,if these
materials
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 are uncommon or advertising by famous
people
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. Because
people
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 love new experiments and new types of ways of advertising. If one company puts its
materials
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 on TV,not many
people
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 want to buy them.
While
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,if these
materials
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 are put on the train as a frame frame,
people
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 see the whole video,when the train goes, and
this
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 type of unusual material can create
interest
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.
For example
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, Japanese companies put their videos in the mentioned way, and after several weeks their percentage of selling doubled. After hearing,discussing and watching
this
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 product person becomes interested in
this
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 thing and wants to buy it. In conclusion, I can truly say that if the company's PR management group works well and can put
advertisements
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 in true time and true place,any type of product will sell.
Additionally
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,
although
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people
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 stopped paying
attention
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 to
advertisements
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,as they become common,
people
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 love unusual ways and
they
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
want to buy them.

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coherence cohesion
Ensure a more distinct separation between the introduction, body paragraphs, and conclusion to enhance clarity.
task achievement
Work on topic sentence clarity to ensure each paragraph clearly supports its main ideas.
task achievement
Consider including counter-arguments to provide a more balanced analysis.
task achievement
The essay presents well-developed arguments on both sides of the issue, showing a balanced discussion.
task achievement
You have used relevant examples, like the Japanese train advertisement, which effectively supports your points.
coherence cohesion
Logical flow from abstract ideas to specific examples is clear and enhances understanding.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • persuade
  • promote
  • attract
  • influence
  • impact
  • consumerism
  • commercialism
  • market
  • product
  • brand
  • endorsement
  • manipulative
  • saturated
  • overwhelmed
  • repetitive
  • distracting
  • irrelevant
  • exaggerated
  • misleading
  • desensitized
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