Many people around the world use social media to keep in touch with other people and get the news. Do you think the advantages of this development outweigh the disadvantages? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.
Nowadays, many individuals
use
social media
applications to keep in touch with people
and get the recent news
. In my opinion
Add a comma
opinion,
this
usage has benefits as well as
handicaps because people
can follow trend news
and know what their relatives
and friends
do. However
, sometimes they may overuse social media
which may reduce their health
and also
they might be addict
to Wrong verb form
addicted
media
.
On the one hand, using social media
has advantages such
as following new topics and keeping in touch with your friends
, relatives
and favourite celebrity
. Most of them follow Fix the agreement mistake
celebrities
news
accounts, journalists and some ideologic
pages to learn recent Replace the word
ideological
news
. Moreover
, some celebrities have more than hundred
million followers on social Correct article usage
a hundred
media
. For instance
, some football players like Cristiano Ronaldo and Lionel Messi have more than two hundred fifty million subscribers on social media
. Furthermore
, some adolescents have private accounts which only follow their close friends
. Hence
, people
use
social media
to follow trend topics and see what their relatives
, friends
and celebrities post.
On the other hand
, sometimes people
might overuse social media
. It can take their hours. People
may be addict
Wrong verb form
addicted
of
social Change preposition
to
media
, this
addiction may make them tired because when they want to sleep they cannot sleep without watching reelses
on Instagram or surfing on Twitter. When they Correct your spelling
reels
addict
more and more their health
condition will decrease more and more too. They will suffer from lack of sleep, headache
and eye problems Fix the agreement mistake
headaches
due to
exposure of
bluescreen and radiation. Change preposition
to
For example
, one of my close friend
Change to a plural noun
friends
have
to wear glasses right now because he Change the verb form
has
played
a lot of video games at Wrong verb form
plays
nights
. Fix the agreement mistake
night
Therefore
, individuals may Add a missing verb
be addict
addict
to social Replace the word
addicted
media
, this
a lot usage may diminish their Correct word choice
and this
health
situations.
To sum up
, in today's world, humankind use
social Correct subject-verb agreement
uses
media
to follow recent news
and keep in touch with their friends
and relatives
. I believe that this
usage of social media
has pros and cons because people
may overuse these applications. As a result
of this
, their health
condition may decline. By contrast
, people
can use
these apllications
to Correct your spelling
applications
followrecent
topics and contact Correct your spelling
follow recent
with
their favourite famous, Change preposition
apply
relatives
and friends
.Submitted by taylanpolat6124 on
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coherence cohesion
Work on introducing and concluding your paragraphs more clearly. For example, start each new idea with a topic sentence that summarizes it.
task achievement
Try to elaborate more on the disadvantages of social media, offering balanced viewpoints to strengthen your argument. This can improve your task response score.
task achievement
Pay attention to grammar and vocabulary usage. A few sentences could be more polished. For instance, 'they might be addict to media' should be 'they might become addicted to social media.'
task achievement
The essay provides a comprehensive response to the task, clearly addressing both the advantages and disadvantages of social media use.
task achievement
The essay includes relevant and specific examples, like mentioning celebrities with large followings and personal anecdotes about friends.
coherence cohesion
The essay's introduction and conclusion are effective in setting up the discussion and summarizing the main points.
Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
You should use complex sentences in your writing, but it does not mean that you should try to make all of our sentences complex.
‘Complex’ sentences are not actually very complex; they are just two or more simple sentences put together. Putting them together makes the essay more coherent and cohesive.
Examples:
I really want to study but I’m too tired.
I wore a warm coat because the weather was cold.
If action is not taken soon on climate change, global warming will get worse.