IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

Many people around the world use social media to keep in touch with other people and get the news. Do you think the advantages of this development outweigh the disadvantages? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

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Nowadays, many individuals
use
Use synonyms
 social
media
Use synonyms
 applications to keep in touch with
people
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 and get the recent
news
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. In my
opinion
Add a comma
opinion,
show examples
this
Linking Words
 usage has benefits
as well as
Linking Words
 handicaps because
people
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 can follow trend
news
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 and know what their
relatives
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 and
friends
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 do.
However
Linking Words
, sometimes they may overuse social
media
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 which may reduce their
health
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 and
also
Linking Words
 they might be
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addict
Wrong verb form
addicted
show examples
 to
media
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. On the one hand, using social
media
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 has advantages
such
Linking Words
 as following new topics and keeping in touch with your
friends
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,
relatives
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 and favourite
celebrity
Fix the agreement mistake
celebrities
show examples
. Most of them follow
news
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 accounts, journalists and some
ideologic
Replace the word
ideological
show examples
 pages to learn recent
news
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.
Moreover
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, some celebrities have more than
hundred
Correct article usage
a hundred
show examples
 million followers on social
media
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.
For instance
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, some football players like Cristiano Ronaldo and Lionel Messi have more than two hundred fifty million subscribers on social
media
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.
Furthermore
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, some adolescents have private accounts which only follow their close
friends
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.
Hence
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,
people
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use
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 social
media
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 to follow trend topics and see what their
relatives
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,
friends
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 and celebrities post.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, sometimes
people
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 might overuse social
media
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. It can take their hours.
People
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 may be
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addict
Wrong verb form
addicted
show examples
of
Change preposition
to
show examples
 social
media
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,
this
Linking Words
 addiction may make them tired because when they want to sleep they cannot sleep without watching
reelses
Correct your spelling
reels
 on Instagram or surfing on Twitter. When they
addict
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 more and more their
health
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 condition will decrease more and more too. They will suffer from lack of sleep,
headache
Fix the agreement mistake
headaches
show examples
 and eye problems
due to
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 exposure
of
Change preposition
to
show examples
 bluescreen and radiation.
For example
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, one of my close
friend
Change to a plural noun
friends
show examples
have
Change the verb form
has
show examples
 to wear glasses right now because he
played
Wrong verb form
plays
show examples
 a lot of video games at
nights
Fix the agreement mistake
night
show examples
.
Therefore
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, individuals may
Use synonyms
Add a missing verb
be addict
show examples
addict
Replace the word
addicted
show examples
 to social
media
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,
Linking Words
this
Correct word choice
and this
show examples
 a lot usage may diminish their
health
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 situations.
To sum up
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, in today's world, humankind
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use
Correct subject-verb agreement
uses
show examples
 social
media
Use synonyms
 to follow recent
news
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 and keep in touch with their
friends
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 and
relatives
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. I believe that
this
Linking Words
 usage of social
media
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 has pros and cons because
people
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 may overuse these applications.
As a result
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 of
this
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, their
health
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 condition may decline.
By contrast
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,
people
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 can
use
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 these
apllications
Correct your spelling
applications
 to
followrecent
Correct your spelling
follow recent
 topics and contact
with
Change preposition
apply
show examples
their favourite famous,
relatives
Use synonyms
 and
friends
Use synonyms
.

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coherence cohesion
Work on introducing and concluding your paragraphs more clearly. For example, start each new idea with a topic sentence that summarizes it.
task achievement
Try to elaborate more on the disadvantages of social media, offering balanced viewpoints to strengthen your argument. This can improve your task response score.
task achievement
Pay attention to grammar and vocabulary usage. A few sentences could be more polished. For instance, 'they might be addict to media' should be 'they might become addicted to social media.'
task achievement
The essay provides a comprehensive response to the task, clearly addressing both the advantages and disadvantages of social media use.
task achievement
The essay includes relevant and specific examples, like mentioning celebrities with large followings and personal anecdotes about friends.
coherence cohesion
The essay's introduction and conclusion are effective in setting up the discussion and summarizing the main points.

Use a variety of complex and simple sentences

You should use complex sentences in your writing, but it does not mean that you should try to make all of our sentences complex.

‘Complex’ sentences are not actually very complex; they are just two or more simple sentences put together. Putting them together makes the essay more coherent and cohesive.

Examples:

I really want to study but I’m too tired.

I wore a warm coat because the weather was cold.

If action is not taken soon on climate change, global warming will get worse.

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