IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6.5

Some people think that the government is wasting money on the arts and this money could be better spent eleswhere. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#people #government #money #arts #eleswhere
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It is argued by some people that expenditure on the
arts
 by higher authority is of no use,
instead
, they should focus more on other aspects
such
 as healthcare, housing and so on. I totally agree with the notion that the government should take other aspects into consideration and will discuss both views in the following paragraphs. On the one hand, no doubt, art is a primary influence on everyone's life. To elaborate, funding for the
arts
 broadens the horizon of knowledge of individuals as it provides cultural enrichment and entertainment.
Moreover
, spending on
arts
 boosts tourism and local business, as
result
Correct article usage
a result
show examples
, leads to the economic growth of a particular nation.
For example
, a study conducted in Japan in 2019 revealed that 60% of the countries became rich after spending a bunch of money on the
arts
 and attracting tourists to visit.
On the other hand
, I, personally, believe that the housing, and healthcare sectors should be given more priority with respect to funding. Financial support to build more hospitals will improve the quality of life by providing easy access to the nearest hospitals and taking medicine at a lower price.
Similarly
, by building more houses, people can enjoy their own private space. In turn, spending on these categories will provide more employment opportunities to the needy ones. In conclusion, I totally disagree with the fact that government should spend more on the
arts
, and believe that other factors
such
 as healthcare and housing should be given more priority.
Submitted by kknavdeep2000 on

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coherence cohesion
Your essay is structured well, with a clear introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion. However, aim for smoother transitions between ideas to improve the flow.
task achievement
Ensure that your main points in the body paragraphs are deeply developed. For instance, the idea of art enriching culture could be expanded further.
coherence cohesion
The introduction sets the stage effectively by presenting the topic and your stance clearly.
task achievement
Good use of a relevant example (the Japan study) to support your argument about the economic benefits of spending on the arts.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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