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Writing Samples
Band 4.5

In some countries older people are being encouraged to work longer and not to retire. Discuss the advantages and disadvantages of working beyond retirement age.

#countries #people #work #retirement #age
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In some countries lacking young human resources, the elderly will be encouraged to
work
Use synonyms
 longer and not retire.In the following passages,I will show the advantages and disadvantages of working beyond retirement. First of all, there are some advantages to encouraging older
people
Use synonyms
 to
work
Use synonyms
 longer and not to retire . The first advantage is that it can enhance a country's economy.Because older
people
Use synonyms
 have a lot of
experiences
Fix the agreement mistake
experience
show examples
 and a high level of expertise.The second advantage is that when the elderly go to
work
Use synonyms
,they will have to pay taxes to raise and accumulate capital for healthcare,education,..
Besides
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 ,there are
also
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 some disadvantages.
Firstly
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,encouraging older
people
Use synonyms
 to
work
Use synonyms
 longer and not to retire will affect their health.
Because they
Correct word choice
They
show examples
 can get diseases at any time but do not have a medical emergency because older
people
Use synonyms
 have many diseases
such
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 as heart attack,
cancer
Correct word choice
and cancer
show examples
,...
Secondly
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,reducing the employability of young
people
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. From there, companies will prefer older
people
Use synonyms
 because they have more experience and will bring profits to that company. In conclusion,in my opinion, encouraging to
work
Use synonyms
 longer and not to retire can bring more positive including The country's economy will grow, reducing the feeling of loneliness among the elderly.
However
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,
this
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 trend has negative effects
such
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 as increasing unemployment among young
people
Use synonyms
 and
will affect
Wrong verb form
affecting
show examples
 the health of the elderly.
Submitted by document.hanie on

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task achievement
Expand on your arguments with more specific examples and detailed explanations. For instance, when mentioning the economic benefits, provide concrete examples of how older employees have contributed to the economy.
coherence cohesion
Work on improving transitions between ideas and sentences to ensure smoother flow and coherence. Using phrases such as 'on the other hand' or 'in contrast' can help create clearer connections between points.
coherence cohesion
The essay presents a clear introduction and conclusion, which helps maintain a logical structure throughout the discussion.
task achievement
The essay addresses both advantages and disadvantages, showing a balanced perspective on the issue.
task achievement
The main points are clear and relevant to the topic, demonstrating a solid understanding of the issue.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • financial security
  • standard of living
  • ameliorated
  • mentoring
  • physical health
  • mental decline
  • workforce diversity
  • exacerbate
  • quality of life
  • employment opportunities
  • work-life imbalance
  • ageism
  • retirement planning
  • pension funds
  • job market dynamics
  • seniority
  • compulsory retirement age
  • productive capacity
  • intergenerational collaboration
  • mentality
  • employer attitudes
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