People use the Internet for medical advice and to do medical checkups rather than directly meeting with doctors in an office. Why are they using the Internet for this? Discuss your viewpoints on this.
It is now common to see
that
many Correct word choice
apply
people
doing medical checkups and getting medical advices
through the Change the wording
advice
pieces of advice
bits of advice
internet
instead
of directly meeting with doctors in an office. Although
there are several reasons why people
doing so, such
as cost-effectiveness and accessibility, in my opinion, this
development is negative because it can lead to a decrease in the number
of medical staff and it may fail people
in some cases.
Economical
aspects of taking medical checkups and Replace the word
Economic
advices
from the Change the wording
advice
pieces of advice
bits of advice
internet
can be a reason why people
prefer doing so instead
of going to hospitals. This
implies that if people
get medical tips and check their health conditions via the internet
at home because it can provide access to a wider range of specialists and second opinions at the same time, they can save their money, as they do not have to commute to medical centres and pay for doctors for taking care of and giving suggestions to individuals. As a result
, individuals can allocate their money for other important things like education and provisions.
The second reason can be its accessibility. In other words
, in some places, there is no service for people
that are
provided 7 hours a day, and in some kind of emergencies like heart attacks at night, Correct subject-verb agreement
is
people
may not know what they should do in such
conditions. That is
why patients prefer consulting healthcare providers from the comfort of their homes, at times that suit their schedules, including evenings and weekends. Moreover
, it can save them time, as they should not spend time commuting and taking advice from the internet
can be in a moment.
I, however
, believe that despite its
advantages mentioned above, Change the word
the
this
situation is negative for valid reasons, one of them being that it can cause a decline in the number
of medical workers. This
suggests that if people
keep using the internet
for medical purposes, there will not be need
for some medical employees and governments may fire them, as it can cut governments’ additional spending. Add an article
a need
the need
As a consequence
, a number
of people
may suffer from unemployment and face problems with getting a new job.
Furthermore
, people
would not want
seek guidance and undergo medical examinations when Add the particle
want to
internet
work slow
or inaccurate. Add a missing verb
is slow
In other words
, when there is a problem with the internet
, like cut-offs or so one
, not everyone can access Correct your spelling
on
to
the necessary technology or reliable Change preposition
apply
internet
connections, which can create barriers to receiving online care, and
Correct word choice
apply
also
, if there is a problem with the internet
, safety about your health information is not guaranteed. In this
way, it would be a problem to use the internet
for medical aims.
All things considered, while
there are a variety of reasons why individuals are using the Internet
for medical advice and check-ups, including its accessibility and cost-savings, I believe that this
development is undesirable since it may result in a shortage in the number
of medical employees and not work in some cases.Submitted by minimix1203 on
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task achievement
Your essay comprehensively addresses the task, providing reasons and viewpoints on why people use the Internet for medical advice and checkups. However, try to provide more specific examples to strengthen your argument. For example, mention specific online platforms or cases where online medical advice proved to be beneficial or harmful.
coherence cohesion
While the essay has a good logical structure and development, the transitions between paragraphs could be smoother. Consider using more transitional phrases to guide the reader through your points, and ensure each paragraph logically flows into the next.
coherence cohesion
Your introduction and conclusion are both present and effectively summarize your main points. This provides a clear framework for your essay and helps in understanding your argument.
coherence cohesion
Your paragraphs are well-developed and support the main points effectively. Each point is supported with relevant reasons, which makes your argument more convincing.
Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.
Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.
When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.
Linking words for giving examples:
- for example
- for instance
- to illustrate this
- to give a clear example
- such as
- namely
- to illustrate
- take, for example