Childhood obesity is becoming a serious problem in many countries. Explain the main causes and effects of this problem and suggest some possible solutions.
There is no denying that children today face numerous challenges in the modern world. One of these significant issues is the growing prevalence of overweight individuals worldwide.
First and foremost, junk food consumption is the main reason for the increase in
obesity
. For instance
, economic factors often force both parents to work and their children to fulfil their own basic needs. As a result
, offspring eat unhealthy foods such
as sandwiches, hamburgers, nuddles, and pizzas. These high-calorie and unhealthy foods lead to obesity
. Another problem that needs to be considered is that children's sedentary lifestyles have a negative impact on their health. Instead
of playing outside or walking, they stay home and use their electronic devices to play or chat. This
makes it much easier for them to gain weight.
Furthermore
, the truth is that childhood obesity
has negative effects on both physical and mental health. To illustrate, overweight kids feel excluded from their friend groups because they don't participate in physical activity games, and this
destroys their mental health. Another point is that obesity
causes many diseases. All around the world, other serious diseases, such
as heart attacks and diabetes, are quite common in people with obesity
. Another issue is the undeniable fact that the world needs healthy, vigorous, and bright-minded young individuals for business and productivity. Failure to raise healthy individuals will lead to deficiencies in every field in the future.
In conclusion, possible solutions to this
problem would be that governments should legally encourage youth to participate in sports or social activities and provide the necessary support, similar to the Cuban law that mandates that every young person participate in at least three sports or social activities, and parents should teach their offspring healthy eating habits, limit the use of harmful electronic devices such
as computers and phones, and encourage them to participate in social activities.Submitted by sinan_yalcindag27 on
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coherence cohesion
Your essay has a clear structure with an introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion, which is good. However, work on improving the logical flow between ideas within paragraphs. Use linking words and phrases to connect your ideas more smoothly.
task achievement
You have provided a complete response to the task by addressing causes, effects, and solutions. To improve further, make sure you are using varied and relevant examples to back up your points. Specific and varied examples can strengthen your argument.
task achievement
Your ideas are clear and generally well-comprehensive. However, try to delve a little deeper into analysis and provide more detailed explanations. This will help demonstrate a thorough understanding of the topic.
coherence cohesion
Your essay has a clear introduction and conclusion, which helps in understanding the main points of your argument.
task achievement
The essay addresses the task fully by discussing causes, effects, and solutions, which shows a good grasp of the task requirements.
task achievement
Your ideas are clear and logically presented. You have managed to keep your essay organized and focused, which is commendable.
Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
Linking words are very important in your essay.
To score effectively on your IELTS exam, you should make an effort to implement short concise sentences coupled with linking words.
Almost every sentence in your essay should have a linking word of some sort.
In fact, the only sentences that can omit linking words are your background sentence and thesis.
Linking word examples:
- firstly
- secondly
- thirdly
- in additional
- moreover
- also
- for example
- for instance
- therefore
- however
- although
- even though
- despite