Today many children and teenagers are overweight and unhealthy. Give reasons to explain why many young people are obese and give some solutions to fix the problem.
Obesity has become a major issue in all aged people good
due to
irregular exercise and eating habits especially
in 3 to 16 years old Add the comma(s)
, especially
children
. Various reasons are responsible for this
burning issue which will be explained in the following paragraphs with an appropriate solution and explanations.
Firstly
, the carelessness of parents
is the main reason of overweight among peers because they are busy earning good money for a better future for their children
, they are spoiling their lives instead
of givingCorrect pronoun usage
them
health
. As we know health
is wealth. As a consequence
, in the absence of parents
, they eat healthy and unhygienic food
which causes some health
risks. To solve this
, parents
should make food
at home or one of them should stay with them to take care.
Secondly
, the entrance of mobiles and other modes of technology items are making children
lazy, as they play on smartphones and computers. As a result
, these devices affecting
their physical and mental Wrong verb form
affect
health
. To erase it, children
should take part in games instead
of watching television or playing video games. As well, they can learn new skills which may help them in future. For instance
, teamwork, cooperation, and good communication skills.
Furthermore
, the marketing of unhealthy foods through advertisements targets children
. To increase sales and profit, food
companies are advertising these products on television and radio, so by following them children
force
Wrong verb form
are forced
them
to eat more. To eradicate Correct pronoun usage
apply
this
problem, companies should focus on healthy food
which will automatically increase their productivity as well as
the health
of teenagers.
In conclusion, healthy life plays an integral role in the development of the child which enhances the chances of success, quality of life, and happiness. Therefore
, parents
and teachers should teach them about the benefits of healthy food
.Submitted by harmandeep51075 on
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task achievement
Your introduction is clear, but the thesis statement could be more precise. Try to state specifically what your essay will cover.
coherence cohesion
Your essay is generally well-organized, but make sure each paragraph stays focused on a single main idea. This improves readability and coherence.
task achievement
Include more specific examples to support your points. For instance, provide statistics or studies that link technology use with obesity.
coherence cohesion
Your transitions between paragraphs can be improved to create smoother flow from one idea to the next. Consider using transition phrases like 'Additionally' or 'Moreover'.
coherence cohesion
While your conclusion summarizes the points well, it could be more impactful by not just repeating but synthesizing the information presented.
coherence cohesion
You have a clear introduction and conclusion, which frame your essay nicely.
task achievement
The essay addresses the prompt well by identifying causes and proposing solutions.
task achievement
Your ideas are generally clear and easily understood by the reader.
Fully explain your ideas
To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).
For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:
- Paragraph 1 - Introduction
- Sentence 1 - Background statement
- Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
- Sentence 3 - Thesis
- Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
- Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
- Sentence 1 - Summary
- Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
- Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation
Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.