Some people believe that it is good to hare as much information as possible in scientific research, business and the academic world. Others believe that some information is too important or too valuable to be shared freely. discuss both these views and give your own opinion.

#people #hare #information #research #business #world

In sports, many young adults are inspired by famous

players

to pursue their dreams of becoming professional

players

like their idols.

This

trend definitely will have positive impacts on the youth, and can

also

result in some drawbacks. The exposure to social media about famous

players

has spurred the interest of young people to train like their role models.

For example

, a well-known

football

player Kylian

Mbappe

was inspired by Christiano Ronaldo (CR7), one of the greatest of all time in

football

history, which I have witnessed too. When

Mbappe

was still in the training phase as a kid, he used to watch the footage of CR7's skills and dream of playing like him. He

also

collected pictures and stickers in his room, just to keep him motivated. Today,

Mbappe

is now becoming the highest-paid

football

player and

also

joined the former club CR7, Real Madrid.

This

phenomenon proves that dreaming of being like an idol will help the youths to succeed in their professional career. Following famous

players

could be

also

a negative trend if the young

players

do not believe in their natural potential. I strongly believe that each individual has a unique character that differs from everyone else. In my opinion,

although

Mbappe

dreamed of being like CR7,

Mbappe

is totally having different skills and styles in playing

football

. The young generation should be able to dig deeply into their true potential and sharpen it. In summary, having role models in sports will help the next young

players

to stay motivated in achieving their dreams.

However

, they should

also

believe in their own potential.

Submitted by fakhruddinmasse on Sun Aug 04 2024

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development

To achieve an even higher score, consider developing some of your points with more depth and detail. For example, elaborate more on how young people can balance emulating their idols with discovering their own unique talents.

language

Try to vary your sentence structures and use more complex sentences to demonstrate a wider range of language skills.

language

Make sure to proofread for minor grammatical errors or awkward phrasing to polish your writing. For example, 'Following famous players could be also a negative trend' could be improved to 'Following famous players could also be a negative trend.'

supporting examples

You have effectively used examples, such as the story of Kylian Mbappe, to support your main points, which enhances your argument.

structure

Your essay is well-structured with a clear introduction, body, and conclusion.

ideas

The ideas presented are relevant to the topic and make logical sense.

Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

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5Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
4Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
0Grammar mistakes
 

4 paragraphs

267 words

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 6.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 9.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 8.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

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Some people believe that it is good to hare as much information as possible in scientific research, business and the academic world. Others believe that some information is too important or too valuable to be shared freely. discuss both these views and give your own opinion.

Your opinion

More and more people in developing countries are purchasing cars for the first time. What problems does this cause? What do you think are some possible solutions?

Some people think that only the government can make significant changes in society, while others think that individuals can have a lot of influence. What is your opinion?

Some people consider prices as most important thing to think about when buying product (such as cell phone) or service (eg. medical treatment). Do you agree or disagree

Some people feel that cities should allow for spaces for graffiti while others feel it should be banned. Discuss both sides and give your own opinion.

Car ownership has increased so rapidly over the past thirty years that many cities in the world are now ‘one big traffic jam’ How true do you think this statement is? What measures can governments take to discourage people from using their cars?