A city should try to preserve its old, historic buildings rather than replacing them with modern buildings.To what extent do you agree or disagree?
Nowadays, there is a trend of constructing
the
new Correct article usage
apply
buildings
in a lot of cities. Some people
argue that a city should maintain traditional architectures
rather than replacing them with modern ones. I agree to a certain extent with this
view. While
there may be some convincing reasons why municipal councils should keep traditional constructions, the reasons why they should replace them with modern ones are more significant.
On the one hand, when traditional buildings
are protected, there are some benefits
. One of the reasons is that municipal councils can keep traditional scenery by maintaining old properties so that their cities can become famous tourist destinations which appeal to travellers from other areas. For example
, Kiyomizu-temple in Kyoto is one of the major tourist sites in the world for its magnificent landscapes. Another reason is that maintaining historic properties leads to passing traditional local culture on to the next generation who are interested in the local history. Those youngers
can find and learn about the historic culture and ancient lifestyle in their local areas from historic constructions, which leads to Correct your spelling
young
the
respect Correct article usage
apply
to
ancestors.
Change preposition
for
On the other hand
, when a city builds a modern style of buildings
, we can see more benefits
. First,
up-to-date architectures
generally attract a large number of people
since those architectures
are usually equipped with the latest functions and features, such
as facilities of brightness, spacious layout, and attractive events, which makes
the users feel comfortable. Correct subject-verb agreement
make
For instance
, constructions of ‘Toranomon-hills’ in Tokyo which include both fascinating shopping and office areas, are always packed with thousands of visitors and office workers. Second,
building owners also
financially benefit from new facilities due to
the fact that modern facilities attract various people
and increase the number of visitors and tenants. As a result
, property owners in general result in earning more profits.
In conclusion, I believe that the local government should update historic buildings
into
brand new ones because Change preposition
with
although
the benefits
from protecting traditional architectures
are limited to travellers and Fix the agreement mistake
architecture
people
who are interested in the
local history, the update of historic Correct article usage
apply
buildings
will bring about more benefits
to a wider range of people
.Submitted by june06112000 on
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task achievement
Your essay provides a complete response to the task, presenting both sides of the argument and giving your own opinion, which is well-supported with reasons and examples. However, ensure that each point is equally developed.
task achievement
While your ideas are generally clear and easy to understand, there are a few moments where clarity could be improved. For example, the expression "respect to ancestors" might be better phrased as "respect for ancestors."
coherence cohesion
Try to make sure all sentences are concise and to the point. Some sentences are a bit long and could be broken down for better readability and impact.
coherence cohesion
Both the introduction and conclusion are well-presented and serve their purposes effectively. Just ensure that your stance is unambiguously clear from the start.
coherence cohesion
Your essay shows a clear logical structure, with each paragraph focusing on a distinct point of the argument. This greatly enhances readability.
task achievement
You provide strong supporting examples that are relevant to your main points, which bolsters your argument effectively.
coherence cohesion
Your transition between paragraphs and ideas is smooth, helping the reader follow your argument effortlessly.
Fully explain your ideas
To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).
For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:
- Paragraph 1 - Introduction
- Sentence 1 - Background statement
- Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
- Sentence 3 - Thesis
- Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
- Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
- Sentence 1 - Summary
- Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
- Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation
Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.
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