IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6

A city should try to preserve its old, historic buildings rather than replacing them with modern buildings.To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#city #buildings
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Nowadays, there is a trend of constructing
the
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apply
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new
buildings
 in a lot of cities. Some
people
 argue that a city should maintain traditional
architectures
 rather than replacing them with modern ones. I agree to a certain extent with
this
 view.
While
 there may be some convincing reasons why municipal councils should keep traditional constructions, the reasons why they should replace them with modern ones are more significant. On the one hand, when traditional
buildings
 are protected, there are some
benefits
. One of the reasons is that municipal councils can keep traditional scenery by maintaining old properties so that their cities can become famous tourist destinations which appeal to travellers from other areas.
For example
, Kiyomizu-temple in Kyoto is one of the major tourist sites in the world for its magnificent landscapes. Another reason is that maintaining historic properties leads to passing traditional local culture on to the next generation who are interested in the local history. Those
youngers
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young
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 can find and learn about the historic culture and ancient lifestyle in their local areas from historic constructions, which leads to
the
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respect
to
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for
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 ancestors.
On the other hand
, when a city builds a modern style of
buildings
, we can see more
benefits
.
First,
up-to-date
architectures
 generally attract a large number of
people
 since those
architectures
 are usually equipped with the latest functions and features,
such
 as facilities of brightness, spacious layout, and attractive events, which
makes
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make
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 the users feel comfortable.
For instance
, constructions of ‘Toranomon-hills’ in Tokyo which include both fascinating shopping and office areas, are always packed with thousands of visitors and office workers.
Second,
building owners
also
 financially benefit from new facilities
due to
 the fact that modern facilities attract various
people
 and increase the number of visitors and tenants.
As a result
, property owners in general result in earning more profits. In conclusion, I believe that the local government should update historic
buildings
into
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with
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 brand new ones because
although
 the
benefits
 from protecting traditional
architectures
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architecture
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 are limited to travellers and
people
 who are interested in
the
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local history, the update of historic
buildings
 will bring about more
benefits
 to a wider range of
people
.
Submitted by june06112000 on

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task achievement
Your essay provides a complete response to the task, presenting both sides of the argument and giving your own opinion, which is well-supported with reasons and examples. However, ensure that each point is equally developed.
task achievement
While your ideas are generally clear and easy to understand, there are a few moments where clarity could be improved. For example, the expression "respect to ancestors" might be better phrased as "respect for ancestors."
coherence cohesion
Try to make sure all sentences are concise and to the point. Some sentences are a bit long and could be broken down for better readability and impact.
coherence cohesion
Both the introduction and conclusion are well-presented and serve their purposes effectively. Just ensure that your stance is unambiguously clear from the start.
coherence cohesion
Your essay shows a clear logical structure, with each paragraph focusing on a distinct point of the argument. This greatly enhances readability.
task achievement
You provide strong supporting examples that are relevant to your main points, which bolsters your argument effectively.
coherence cohesion
Your transition between paragraphs and ideas is smooth, helping the reader follow your argument effortlessly.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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