IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 7

Some people think technology development decreases crime, while others believe it actually encourages crime. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.

#people #technology #development #decreases #crime
There is no denying the fact that modern
technology
 development plays a critical role in the ratio of crimes.
While
 it is a commonly held belief that technological improvement declined
crime
, there is
also
 an argument that opposes it because they consider machinery shores up the level of
crime
.
This
 essay will analyze
this
 topic from both points of view and express my opinion. On one hand, new
technology
 developments
such
 as mobile phones spare awareness information for users to protect their statistics and privacy.
In other words
, most hackers demand to steal bank data from users by sharing a variety of links containing bugs and wrong links.
In addition
, there are numerous inventions that have a significant impact on individuals' lives that increase safety and control.
For example
, camera security recordings have a new version that can connect with police officers,
this
technology
 plays a vital role in diminishing thieves and crimes.
On the other hand
, there is a variety of unique technologies that can pose a danger for both society and individuals
such
 as drones. It is
also
 possible to say that terrorist groups utilize
this
 automation to smuggle prohibited drugs and explosives.
Moreover
, these terrorist groups take social media as a method to follow the target including location and personal evidence and
that is
 what various platforms provide for the public.
For instance
, a new study shared by the digital media department of the University of Leeds provides info that shows social media platforms have played a significant role in increasing the
crime
 percentage by about 68% since 2017. In conclusion, there are no easy answers to
this
 question. On balance,
however
, I tend to believe that the development of machinery has decreased the
crime
 rate, despite the disadvantages of the improvement of
technology
, it has a remarkable impact on our lives.
Submitted by zaidamrat5 on

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task achievement
Work on refining sentence structures and vocabulary to enhance clarity and precision. This will help convey your ideas more effectively and strengthen your arguments.
coherence cohesion
Ensure that each paragraph develops a single main idea clearly and logically. This will improve the overall flow and coherence.
coherence cohesion
The essay has a clear introduction and conclusion, providing a strong framework for the discussion.
task achievement
Relevant and specific examples have been used to support the main points, which adds value to the arguments presented.

Use a variety of complex and simple sentences

You should use complex sentences in your writing, but it does not mean that you should try to make all of our sentences complex.

‘Complex’ sentences are not actually very complex; they are just two or more simple sentences put together. Putting them together makes the essay more coherent and cohesive.

Examples:

I really want to study but I’m too tired.

I wore a warm coat because the weather was cold.

If action is not taken soon on climate change, global warming will get worse.

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Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • deterrent
  • surveillance
  • forensic science
  • cybercrime
  • data theft
  • anonymity
  • illicit activities
  • law enforcement
  • jurisdictions
  • crime prevention
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