Is it good for children to start using computers from an early age and spend long hours on it? Discuss the advantages and disadvantages. Explain your choice by using specific reasons and details.
Starting
using
Change the verb form
to use
computer
from Fix the agreement mistake
computers
young
Add an article
a young
age
can benefit children in many ways. This
can have many advantages
as well as
, many disadvantages
.I will discuss both advantages
and disadvantages
and then
i
will share why Change the capitalization
I
advantages
are more than disadvantages
.
If a child starts using computer
from Add an article
the computer
a computer
small
Correct word choice
a young
age
.He will learn different skills very quickly according to
his age
.In addition
, someone who has spent enough time
with computer
Correct article usage
a computer
willl
not have to worry about his job after the completion of his studies.Correct your spelling
will
Furthermore
,He will be able to support himself and his family as,
he will have Remove the comma
apply
option
of online work Add an article
the option
it
is only possible if he Correct pronoun usage
which
had spent
much Wrong verb form
spends
time
on computer
.Add an article
the computer
For instance
, My friend Ali is now doing
freelancing and Unnecessary verb
apply
i
am still unemployed. He is doing an online job Change the capitalization
I
this
become possible for him because he started using computer
from small Add an article
the computer
a computer
age
and he was learning skills when we used to play football.
On the other hand
, Starting using
Change the verb form
to use
computer
when you are young can have various Add an article
the computer
a computer
disadvantages
.Firstly
, if someone is young and he spend
more Change the verb form
spends
time
with his computer
than playing physical games he can lose his eye sight
because using screens for long hours can Correct your spelling
eyesight
effect
Correct your spelling
affect
eyes
easily.Correct pronoun usage
his eyes
Secondly
,If a child is not taking part in physical sports he can easily become lazy
than other children of Replace the word
lazier
same
Add an article
the same
age
.Therefore
,It can be very harmful at the same time
.
In conclusion,Children can become lazy and they might lose their eye sight
but the Correct your spelling
eyesight
skill
they can learn at that Fix the agreement mistake
skills
age
and knowledge
they can gain by spending Correct article usage
the knowledge
time
with computers can not be explained in words. So,i
will say that Change the capitalization
I
advantages
are more than Correct article usage
the advantages
disadvantages
because we can use computers to learn skills Correct article usage
the disadvantages
while
taking part in physical sports and mentaining
our health.Correct your spelling
maintaining
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coherence cohesion
Ensure that the essay is well-organized with a clear introduction, body paragraphs, and conclusion. Pay attention to the logical structure of the essay as some parts seem slightly repetitive or vague.
task achievement
While the essay covers both the advantages and disadvantages of the topic, the arguments can be further developed with more specific details and examples. Make sure each point is elaborated with strong reasoning and concrete evidence.
language accuracy
Work on reducing grammatical errors and improving sentence structure. This will help in conveying ideas more clearly and effectively.
lexical resource
Consider using a wider range of vocabulary and more complex sentence structures to demonstrate a higher level of language proficiency.
task achievement
You have effectively provided both advantages and disadvantages, which shows a balanced approach to the topic.
coherence cohesion
Your essay includes a conclusion that summarizes your main points and gives a clear stance, which helps in wrapping up your argument succinctly.
Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.
Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.
When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.
Linking words for giving examples:
- for example
- for instance
- to illustrate this
- to give a clear example
- such as
- namely
- to illustrate
- take, for example
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