IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6.5

Most people are not interested in how their food has been produced. They only care about how much it costs. To what extent to you agree or disagree? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience You should write at least 250 words.

#people #food #care #costs
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Nowadays many people care about only food prices
not
Add the comma(s)
, not
show examples
 about their
production
 method or what they include.
Although
 the cost of food is a significant value
due to
 economic problems all around the world, I certainly believe that the
production
 ways of foods are more important than it as it affects our health and
also
 the environment. The first reason why I think the
production
 methodology is important for foods is it is directly related to health.
For example
,
According to
 a study from New Jersey University people who consume vegetables that are grown with chemical fertilizers have a 35% higher risk of liver cancer than others.
Unfortunately
Add a comma
Unfortunately,
show examples
 chemical fertilizers are cheaper than natural ones, so because of that these products that are grown chemical ones are the cheapest. The second reason is it
also
 affects the environment. The insecticides and the other
chemicals
 which are used both for protection and growth
the
Change preposition
of the
show examples
 vegetables and fruits are dissolved in the water and reach the soil. Many studies show that it will take more than 5 years to clean the soil from
chemicals
 like that. So it means even if you don't use any
chemicals
 after you use ones, you keep consuming these
chemicals
 for 5 years. In conclusion,
Although
 It is true that earning money is not easy and money is an important issue that can affect our choices, I believe
production
 methodology is more crucial to
decide
Wrong verb form
deciding
show examples
 what we are going to eat as it has the power to change our well-being and the environment.
Submitted by e.yildizhundur on

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coherence cohesion
Improve paragraph transitions for smoother flow between ideas. Consider using more transitional phrases to guide the reader.
task achievement
Provide a more comprehensive exploration of the opposing viewpoint to balance the argument.
task achievement
Check for grammatical accuracy and vary sentence structures for clearer expression.
coherence cohesion
The conclusion succinctly reinforced the main points, providing a strong wrap-up to the essay.
task achievement
The essay presents relevant examples, such as the study from New Jersey University, effectively supporting the argument about health impacts.
coherence cohesion
The introduction clearly sets out the thesis and the main areas that will be discussed.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • ethically sourced
  • organic foods
  • fast food culture
  • food production processes
  • budget constraints
  • health consciousness
  • environmental concerns
  • farm-to-table
  • consumer knowledge
  • food sourcing
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