Some people believe that parenting children with the help of modern technology can have numerous benefits, while others argue that it may lead to potential problems. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.
It is true that advanced
technology
has significantly transformed parenting practices in modern society. While
some argue that technology
offers substantial benefits, I believe that the drawbacks for
Change preposition
to
children
’s development
outweigh the advantages.
Technological advancements and smart devices offer numerous benefits to children
. Firstly
, the internet provides access to a vast array of educational materials, which allows parents to introduce their children
to an enriching virtual world. High-quality e-books, instructional videos, and interactive learning platforms, created by top experts from around the world, are readily available. This
accessibility can enhance learning experiences and support academic growth. Secondly
, social media platforms offer children
the ability to maintain and develop friendships, even when separated by great distances. Through these platforms, children
can stay connected with classmates and friends from different provinces or even countries. This
connectivity helps foster social skills and keeps relationships intact, despite geographical barriers. Overall
, these technological tools offer valuable resources for parents looking to support their children
’s education and social development
.
However
, the rise of technology
also
presents several negative effects on children
’s health
and well-being. Firstly
, increased screen time is contributing to a surge in obesity rates among children
. Extended periods spent in front of screens reduce physical activity, which can lead to weight gain and associated health
problems as children
grow into adults. Secondly
, the
constant exposure to stimulating digital content, Correct article usage
apply
such
as short videos and video games, can overstimulate children
’s brains. This
overstimulation often makes it difficult for them to focus on tasks requiring sustained concentration, such
as reading or studying. Consequently
, excessive technology
use can result in both physical issues, such
as poor posture and eye strain, and mental health
challenges, including difficulties in maintaining attention and increased anxiety.
While
technology
undeniably offers various benefits, I firmly believe that the negative impacts on children
’s health
and development
are significant and cannot be justified by the advantages. A balanced approach that limits technology
use and encourages physical activity and real-world interactions is essential for promoting healthier development
in children
.Submitted by huishudang on
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task
Your introduction provides a clear stance, but it could be more engaging to capture the reader's interest right from the start.
task
To strengthen your argument, consider using more specific examples or case studies. For instance, mentioning a particular educational app that has proven effective can add more weight to your points.
cohesion
Transitional phrases could be smoother to enhance the overall flow of the essay. For example, instead of 'Firstly' and 'Secondly,' try using 'To begin with' and 'Moreover' to show the progression of your ideas.
cohesion
The essay has a well-structured introduction and conclusion, which effectively summarizes your main points.
task
You provided clear and comprehensive ideas, maintaining a balanced view while emphasizing your opinion.
task
Your main points are relevant and supported, making it easy to follow your argument.
Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.
Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.
When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.
Linking words for giving examples:
- for example
- for instance
- to illustrate this
- to give a clear example
- such as
- namely
- to illustrate
- take, for example