Some people believe that parenting children with the help of modern technology can have numerous benefits, while others argue that it may lead to potential problems. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.

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It is true that advanced
technology
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has significantly transformed parenting practices in modern society.
While
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some argue that
technology
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offers substantial benefits, I believe that the drawbacks
for
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to
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children
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’s
development
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outweigh the advantages. Technological advancements and smart devices offer numerous benefits to
children
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.
Firstly
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, the internet provides access to a vast array of educational materials, which allows parents to introduce their
children
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to an enriching virtual world. High-quality e-books, instructional videos, and interactive learning platforms, created by top experts from around the world, are readily available.
This
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accessibility can enhance learning experiences and support academic growth.
Secondly
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, social media platforms offer
children
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the ability to maintain and develop friendships, even when separated by great distances. Through these platforms,
children
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can stay connected with classmates and friends from different provinces or even countries.
This
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connectivity helps foster social skills and keeps relationships intact, despite geographical barriers.
Overall
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, these technological tools offer valuable resources for parents looking to support their
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children
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’s education and social
development
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.
However
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, the rise of
technology
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also
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presents several negative effects on
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children
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’s
health
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and well-being.
Firstly
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, increased screen time is contributing to a surge in obesity rates among
children
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. Extended periods spent in front of screens reduce physical activity, which can lead to weight gain and associated
health
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problems as
children
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grow into adults.
Secondly
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,
the
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apply
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constant exposure to stimulating digital content,
such
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as short videos and video games, can overstimulate
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children
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’s brains.
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overstimulation often makes it difficult for them to focus on tasks requiring sustained concentration,
such
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as reading or studying.
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, excessive
technology
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use can result in both physical issues,
such
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as poor posture and eye strain, and mental
health
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challenges, including difficulties in maintaining attention and increased anxiety.
While
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technology
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undeniably offers various benefits, I firmly believe that the negative impacts on
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children
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’s
health
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and
development
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are significant and cannot be justified by the advantages. A balanced approach that limits
technology
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use and encourages physical activity and real-world interactions is essential for promoting healthier
development
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in
children
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.

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task
Your introduction provides a clear stance, but it could be more engaging to capture the reader's interest right from the start.
task
To strengthen your argument, consider using more specific examples or case studies. For instance, mentioning a particular educational app that has proven effective can add more weight to your points.
cohesion
Transitional phrases could be smoother to enhance the overall flow of the essay. For example, instead of 'Firstly' and 'Secondly,' try using 'To begin with' and 'Moreover' to show the progression of your ideas.
cohesion
The essay has a well-structured introduction and conclusion, which effectively summarizes your main points.
task
You provided clear and comprehensive ideas, maintaining a balanced view while emphasizing your opinion.
task
Your main points are relevant and supported, making it easy to follow your argument.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • educational apps
  • interactive e-books
  • online courses
  • supplement traditional schooling
  • monitor their children
  • fitness apps
  • GPS for safety
  • supervising online activities
  • parental control software
  • facilitate communication
  • video calls
  • messaging apps
  • excessive use
  • reduced physical activity
  • increased screen time
  • health issues
  • obesity
  • eye strain
  • poor posture
  • overreliance on technology
  • hinder development
  • critical social skills
  • inappropriate content
  • online predators
  • constant supervision
  • strict parental controls
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