IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Governments should spend more money on railways rather than roads. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement?

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The officials need to focus and invest
on
Change preposition
in
show examples
 rail
line
Fix the agreement mistake
lines
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than
Rephrase
rather than
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 roads to provide efficient commutes for
people
Use synonyms
. In
this
Linking Words
 essay, I will give my opinion about
this
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 matter.
First,
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the government in every country need to provide good transportation for its citizens. Spending a budget
to
Change preposition
on
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 trains or trams will be a good idea, which can reduce the stress of the traffic jam.
For instance
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, in my country Philippines only in capital area has a train station.
Therefore
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, adding up a
lot
Use synonyms
 of train stations will
be
Verb problem
make it
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 easier for everyone to go to their destinated location without a
husstle
Correct your spelling
hassle
hustle
.
Also
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, it can reduce the traffic
jam
Fix the agreement mistake
jams
show examples
in
Change preposition
on
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 the roads. Where
people
Use synonyms
 can
be feel
Change the verb form
feel
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relax
Wrong verb form
relaxed
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 and not exhausted before they start their day.
Furthermore
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, having additional trains in rural and urban areas will have a
lot
Use synonyms
 of
opportunity
Fix the agreement mistake
opportunities
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 for
people
Use synonyms
 who
is
Change the verb form
are
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 living there, without going to the capital region to earn money.
However
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, if the authorities focus only on
widing
Correct your spelling
widening
 the street it will cause a
lot
Use synonyms
 of problems.
The air
Correct article usage
Air
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 pollution will
be add
Change the verb form
add
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 up and can damage our health and
ozone
Correct article usage
the ozone
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 layer.
Moreover
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, it can cause a
lot
Use synonyms
 of car accidents for
people
Use synonyms
, because of the stress during the rush hour.
For example
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, some
people
Use synonyms
driving
Wrong verb form
drive
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 too fast or they
just
Add a missing verb
are just
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 drunk
while
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 driving.
To sum up
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, I agreed to put effort
to improve
Change preposition
into improving
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 the railways
than
Rephrase
rather than
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 fixing the roads.
Thus
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, it will be safer and favourable to everyone.
Besides
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 a
lot
Use synonyms
 of
people
Use synonyms
 can ride
train
Correct article usage
a train
show examples
 because of its bigger capacity than riding a car
which
Correct your spelling
with
show examples
 limited seats only available.

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Task Achievement
Your introduction clearly states the topic and your opinion, which is good. However, consider rephrasing the thesis statement to make it more formal and clearer.
Coherence and Cohesion
Ensure that you provide a clear connection between your ideas and paragraphs. For instance, use linking words or phrases to guide the reader through your arguments more smoothly.
Task Achievement
Some of your points could be expanded with more detailed examples. For instance, when discussing air pollution and health, consider explaining the broader impact further.
Coherence and Cohesion
Be mindful of minor grammatical errors, such as ‘widing’ instead of ‘widening’ and ‘destinated’ instead of ‘designated’. Proofreading can help improve clarity.
Content
Your essay addresses an important issue about transportation that is relevant and relatable.
Task Achievement
You present a clear opinion on the topic, making it evident where you stand regarding the investment in railways versus roads.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • Carbon emissions
  • Mass transportation
  • Traffic congestion
  • Economic growth
  • Regional development
  • Initial investment
  • Feasibility
  • Flexibility
  • Rural areas
  • Integration
  • Sustainable
  • Efficiency
  • Infrastructure
  • Commuters
  • Public expenditure
  • Autonomous vehicles
  • Long-term investment
  • Accessibility
  • Connectivity
  • Modal shift
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