IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6.5

Governments should spend more money on railways rather than roads. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement?

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The officials need to focus and invest in rail lines rather than roads to provide efficient commutes for
people
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. In
this
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 essay, I will give my opinion about
this
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 matter.
First,
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the government in every country needs to provide good transportation for its citizens. Spending a budget on trains or trams would be a good idea, as it can reduce the stress of traffic jams.
For instance
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, in my country, the Philippines, only one area has a train station.
Therefore
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, adding up a
lot
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 of train stations will make it easier for everyone to go to their designated location without a hassle.
Also
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, it can reduce the traffic on the roads. Where
people
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 can relax and not be exhausted before they start their day.
Furthermore
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, having additional trains in rural and urban locations will
have
Verb problem
provide
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 a
lot
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 of opportunities for
people
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 who are living there without going to the capital region to earn money.
However
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, if the authorities focus only on widening the street, it will cause a
lot
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 of problems. Air pollution will add up and can damage our health and the ozone layer.
Moreover
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, it can cause a
lot
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 of car accidents for
people
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 because of the streets during rush hour.
For example
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, some
people
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 drive too fast, or they are just drunk
while
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 speeding.
To sum up
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, I agreed to put effort into improving the railways rather than fixing the roads.
Thus
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, it will be a great and
favorable
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favourable
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 experience for everyone.
Besides
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, a
lot
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 of
people
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 can ride a train because of its greater capacity than riding a car with limited seats available.

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Task Achievement
Enhance your introduction by clearly stating your position on the topic and outlining the main points you will discuss.
Task Achievement
Consider adding more specific examples and statistics to support your arguments about the advantages of railways over roads.
Coherence and Cohesion
Improve the flow of your essay by using clearer topic sentences at the beginning of each paragraph to guide the reader.
Coherence and Cohesion
Make sure to use linking words and phrases more effectively to connect your ideas and paragraphs, which will help improve coherence.
Coherence and Cohesion
In your conclusion, reiterate your stance more strongly and summarize the main arguments presented in the essay.
Task Achievement
You provided a clear opinion throughout the essay, which is essential for task response.
Task Achievement
You included relevant examples from your home country to illustrate your points about the benefits of railways.
Coherence and Cohesion
There is a variety of sentence structures used in your essay, which shows good grammatical range.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • Carbon emissions
  • Mass transportation
  • Traffic congestion
  • Economic growth
  • Regional development
  • Initial investment
  • Feasibility
  • Flexibility
  • Rural areas
  • Integration
  • Sustainable
  • Efficiency
  • Infrastructure
  • Commuters
  • Public expenditure
  • Autonomous vehicles
  • Long-term investment
  • Accessibility
  • Connectivity
  • Modal shift
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