The world would be a better place with only one culture and no cultural misunderstandings. Do you agree?
It is thought by some
people
that only one
culture
should exist throughout the world
which helps to remove cultural differences and promote harmony at the global level. I completely disagree with this
opinion as it will devastate economic growth, the
flow of information between different cultures, and act as a hurdle in innovation and creativity.
With regard to the benefits of cultural diversity, Correct word choice
and the
one
clear evidence of cultural diversity is the economic growth of different countries as every culture
is unique in itself, having its own way of life, and perspectives which will promote tourism as individual people
travel to different parts of the world
to expose their people
's history,
and Remove the comma
apply
culture
. If there is same culture
exists globally, then
there would be no reason to travel for pleasure and interest, which will impact many countries drastically especially who
Correct determiner usage
those who
are
rely on tourism as a major source of income. Based on Unnecessary verb
apply
one
research, in 2022, Maldives 68% of GDP solely
contributed through tourism channels. Add a missing verb
was solely
In other words
, more than 50% of the country's locals' lives depend upon the tourist sector growth, which would hit local's survival badly if one
culture
will be
promoted throughout the Wrong verb form
were
world
.
It has been considered that different cultures pose many problems in societies
namely misunderstandings, prejudice, and discrimination, so the only way to remove such
social evils is to promote one
culture
. But this
is not a wise solution to remove cultural barriers as this
will make societies
narrow-minded because this
thought would create a negative culture
in societies
by making societies
non-tolerant towards any changes, resulting in, lesser development. Despite that, different communities should encourage cultural diversity, so that individuals become more open-minded , and respect people
from different cultures, which leads to the promotion of learning, new ideas, and skills that will bring creativity and innovation.
In conclusion, rather than adopting one
culture
globally which gives this
world
a black-and-white, boredom picture; I believe that every culture
has its own beauty through its different heritage, living styles, and values which ensures broadening people
's perspectives, are
promoting to preserve a colourful Unnecessary verb
apply
world
heritage for future generations.Submitted by kanwalkaur05 on
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task response
The essay provides a comprehensive response to the prompt and clearly disagrees with the statement. However, try to enhance the clarity of your arguments with more precise examples and explanations. Also, be mindful of minor grammatical errors as they can affect comprehension.
coherence cohesion
Logical structure is good, but pay close attention to sentence transitions and coherence between paragraphs. Each point should flow smoothly into the next, with appropriate linking phrases. For example, 'With regard to' and 'In conclusion' are strong transitions, but they could be varied to avoid repetition and maintain reader interest.
task response
The essay effectively addresses the prompt and provides a clear standpoint with strong supporting arguments.
coherence cohesion
The introduction and conclusion are well-presented, clearly framing the essay's main ideas. The use of specific data, like the 2022 Maldives GDP statistic, enhances the argument's relevance and specificity.
Fully explain your ideas
To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).
For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:
- Paragraph 1 - Introduction
- Sentence 1 - Background statement
- Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
- Sentence 3 - Thesis
- Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
- Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
- Sentence 1 - Summary
- Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
- Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation
Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.
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