IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7.5

some people say that advertising is extremely successful at persuading us to buy things. Others think that advertising is so common that we no longer pay attention to it. Discuss both views and give your own opinion

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It is widely argued that to sell
products
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, tools, and various things, people should be influenced by
advertisements
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, which is hugely beneficial. Others say that
this
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 method has become out of fashion and does not receive much attention. In my view, I firmly believe that the former view is much more significant than the latter.
To begin
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 with, proponents believe that
advertisements
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 have become commonplace, so they no longer give them much preference.
This
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 is because
individuals
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 have access to the internet, which gives them an opportunity to scroll through various
products
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 and tools that they believe are important to them. Running ads on TV or billboards will not assist retailers in attracting a much larger audience.
Additionally
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, there are numerous fraud cases registered.
For instance
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, in the state of India,
individuals
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 get scammed after they purchase
products
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.
This
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 is
due to
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 false visualization and aesthetic images, as these pictures are shown to people in order to deceive them.
Thus
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, citizens become aware of its impact and no longer give it much importance.
On the other hand
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, persuading
individuals
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 through
advertisements
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 can be really successful for business
individuals
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 and social media influencers. A key point to notice is that some corporations know that if they grab
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
public attention, they will profit by selling their courses, artwork, and cosmetic
products
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.
This
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 is
due to
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 maintaining a stable position in the market and making sure they are one step ahead of their fierce rivals. To illustrate, owing to a huge following, some media influencers charge a large sum of money when doing brand deals, which boosts brand
products
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 that benefit the firms in the long run.
Hence
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, advertisement plays a decisive role in manipulating the audience.
To conclude
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, even though some opine that
advertisements
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 have become commonplace and hold no significant value, I believe that
advertisements
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 play a key role in the business field for many influencers and owners, which can only be possible if people have access to the internet.

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task achievement
While your essay is well-structured and addresses both views effectively, adding more detailed examples and evidence would strengthen your arguments.
coherence cohesion
You have organized your ideas logically and included a clear introduction and conclusion. However, working on smoother transitions between points and paragraphs would improve the flow of your essay.
general language
Revisiting some grammatical inconsistencies and diversifying your sentence structure would enhance the readability of your essay.
task achievement
You have effectively discussed both views and provided a clear opinion.
coherence cohesion
Your essay has a logical structure with a clear introduction, body, and conclusion.
task achievement
The main points are well-supported with relevant arguments.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • persuade
  • promote
  • attract
  • influence
  • impact
  • consumerism
  • commercialism
  • market
  • product
  • brand
  • endorsement
  • manipulative
  • saturated
  • overwhelmed
  • repetitive
  • distracting
  • irrelevant
  • exaggerated
  • misleading
  • desensitized
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