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Writing Samples
Band 6

Children are facing more pressures nowadays from academic, social and commercial perspectives. What are the causes of these pressures? What measures should be taken to reduce this pressure?

#children #pressures #perspectives #measures #pressure
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There is a widely held consensus regarding the exceeding pressure on the younger generation in various aspects of their lives. It seems rational to accept that
parents
 and the competitive community lie at the root of
this
 issue.
Nevertheless
, some solutions are going to be postulated in
this
 essay. One justification why children are shouldering excessive burdens compared to their peers in the past stems from their
parents
. It is owing to the fact that their expectation from the youngsters has enhanced.
For instance
, some of them register students in
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
particular institutes where they are indulging in plenty of extracurricular activities
such
 as music, different sports, and science that
does
Correct subject-verb agreement
do
show examples
 not suit their age.
However
, not only can
such
 compulsory lessons lessen their motivation, but they can
also
 backfire conducive to abandoning school.
Furthermore
, the advent of technology has led society members toward stiff competition and juniors are not exceptions. Social media and online gaming can be taken as an example.
Therefore
, The demand for gaining knowledge regarding a new language and IT has been on the rise; meeting these needs,
hence
, has exerted more pressure. There are,
however
, some plausible ways by which
this
 hindrance can be tackled. One of which can be for
parents
 to provide their offspring with more entertaining activities and a happy environment at home creating a feeling of emotional support that leads to more tolerance and motivation. Another approach can be for authorities of educational
centers
Change the spelling
centres
show examples
 to alter their teaching methods to be more practical yet entertaining.
For instance
, they can teach students through play or by special tech-based devices leading to more productivity and less pressure. To recapitulate, it can be deduced that the more innovative techniques
parents
 and teachers use for children's nurturing, the more tendency they may show to adopt modern life's pressures.
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task achievement
Ensure that each paragraph has a clear central idea. The main points are well-developed, but there is room for more specific examples to support your ideas.
coherence cohesion
For coherence and cohesion, your essay is mostly well-organized, but make sure each paragraph flows smoothly to the next. Linking words could help enhance the flow of your ideas.
task achievement
You have addressed all parts of the task effectively, providing reasons for the pressures children face and suggesting plausible solutions.
coherence cohesion
The essay demonstrates a logical progression of ideas and is easy to follow.
coherence cohesion
There is a clear introduction and conclusion which help to frame your essay well.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • academic competition
  • peer pressure
  • social media influence
  • advertising targeting
  • balanced lifestyle
  • extracurricular activities
  • mental well-being
  • academic expectations
  • unrealistic standards
  • college applications
What to do next:
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