The government should be responsible for providing retirees with financial support and care. While many people think that citizens should save money to take care of themselves when they are old. Discuss both views and give your opinion

In today's world, many people argue that the government should help retired employees financially in terms of support and healthcare,
while
others think that the solution to
this
should be to save a portion of their income for their old age. In my opinion, both can help make a person's life better for their retirement age. On the one hand, many pensioners have contributed their lives by paying taxes throughout their lives to the nation. After their retirement age, they should be ensured maximum healthcare facilities.
In addition
, they should build community homes for several people so that remain mentally fit. They should provide discounted rates on medicines and hospitals for pensioners.
For example
, Australia has built many small clinics in several areas that organise health checkups.
On the other hand
, when citizens are younger, they should try saving one-third of their salaries for their retirement time. Many nations have begun cutting a certain sum of money that will later help them benefit financially.
For instance
, in India, many firms have begun cutting sums of money. They can use
this
fund when they need it. In conclusion,
although
people save a certain amount of money for their health and daily needs when they are old, higher authorities
also
develop different forms of clinics that can benefit pensioners.
Submitted by chartakinnovation on

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task achievement
While your essay provides an overall balanced discussion, adding more supporting details and specific examples would strengthen your arguments. For example, expanding on existing programs for retirees in different countries can provide a robust base for your points.
coherence cohesion
To improve coherence, linking words and phrases should be used more effectively to guide the reader through your arguments. Phrases like 'In contrast,' 'Furthermore,' and 'On the contrary' can help make the structure clearer and improve the flow of ideas.
coherence cohesion
The essay has a clear introduction and conclusion, which are essential for good academic writing. You successfully outlined both perspectives and gave your opinion.
task achievement
You provided relevant examples that support your main points, such as referring to programs in Australia and India. These examples help to illustrate your points clearly.

Word Count

IELTS says that you should write a minimum of 250 words in writing task 2. If you go under word count you will lose marks in task response.

A very long essay will not give you a higher band score.

Aim for between 260 to 290 words in writing task 2. This will ensure a concise essay and will be realistic in terms of time management. You have only 40 minutes to write the essay and you need around 10 minutes of planning time, so you will not be able to write a long essay in 30 minutes.

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • government responsibility
  • financial support
  • care
  • retirees
  • personal responsibility
  • retirement planning
  • social security
  • pension
  • benefits
  • concerns
  • dependency
  • adequate savings
  • elderly citizens
  • burden
  • welfare system
  • poverty
  • social safety net
  • financial stability
  • public funds
  • sustainable
  • reliable
  • case study
  • Japan
  • Sweden
  • United States
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