Nowadays, more people move away from their friends and families for work. Do advantages outweigh the disadvantages?

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There is no denying the fact that these days many people leave their families and colleagues for the purpose of

work

Use synonyms

While

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it is a commonly held belief that

this

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modern behaviour may result in some positive effects, there is

also

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an argument that it may be accompanied by some drawbacks.

This

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essay will analyse

this

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topic from both points of view and express my opinion. On the one hand, if individuals dedicate their lives to

work

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only, surely, they will gain some benefits.

In other words

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, focusing more on

work

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in various fields may lead to attaining a breakthrough triumph compared to others.

In addition

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, when employees do their best efforts in their

work

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, the probability of innovation and creation will soar.

Consequently

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, the economic status of the country will be boosted, which is considered a primary key to progress.

For example

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, the industrial revolution in the UK emerged, in 1800,

as a result

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of hard

work

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On the other hand

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, friendships and families play a pivotal role in the lives of humanity. It is

also

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possible to say that without them we will suffer a lot.

Firstly

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, we lose the real meaning of life because friends help us to overcome different hardships and obstacles, and the family provides us with a sense of safety and assurance.

Moreover

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, the risk of exposure to psychological diseases

such

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as depression and anxiety will elevate. In conclusion, there are no easy answers to

this

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question. On balance,

however

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, I believe that the negative impacts of living away from families and friends outweigh the positive effects because they are vital stuff for human nature.

Hence

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, making balance in our lives is a crucial thing.

sm710129Sun May 19 2024

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task achievement

While the essay addresses the task and presents a balanced view, providing more specific and diverse examples would strengthen the argument. Broad and historical references, like the industrial revolution, should be complemented with modern and relatable examples.

task achievement

Ensure that each paragraph's main point is well-supported by clear explanations or examples. Some ideas are clear but would benefit from further elaboration to fully meet the task requirements.

coherence correlation

Consider enhancing transitions between arguments for smoother coherence. Phrases like 'On the one hand' and 'On the other hand' are effective, but varying the transition can add sophistication to the writing.

coherence correlation

You have a strong introduction and a clear conclusion. Ensure that your conclusion not only summarizes the points but also restates your main argument succinctly with a powerful statement.

coherence correlation

The introduction clearly outlines the purpose of the essay and what it intends to tackle, which sets a clear direction for the reader.

coherence correlation

The essay maintains a logical structure throughout, with each paragraph addressing distinct aspects of the topic. This logical progression aids in understanding your argument.

task achievement

The vocabulary and language used are appropriate and demonstrate a good command of English. Phrases like 'pivotal role' and 'breakthrough triumph' show an advanced level of language proficiency.

14
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meeting the goal of 7 or more
1
Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
0
Grammar mistakes
detected issues

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 8.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 9.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 6.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

4 paragraphs

281 words

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Topic Vocabulary:

career advancement
job opportunities
job market
salaries
personal growth
cultural horizons
adaptability
resilience
global perspective
emotional and psychological impact
loved ones
loneliness
homesickness
support network
long-distance relationships
emotional strain
face-to-face interactions
financial cost
housing deposits
travel costs
living expenses

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Nowadays, more people move away from their friends and families for work. Do advantages outweigh the disadvantages?

Global warming Is one of the biggest threats to our environment. What problem does this cause? what can be done to deal with this situation?

Many governments spend a lot of money on art. Some people think this investment in art is necessary, but others say the money is better spent on improving health and education. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.

Art classes, such as painting and drawing, are as important to a child's development as other subjects, so it should be compulsory in high schools or disagree? To what extent do you agree

Some young people are leaving the countryside to live in cities and towns, leaving only old people in the countryside. What problems are caused bu this issue? What can be done to solve this situation?

The best way to remove poverty in developing countries is to provide 6 years of free education to all children. So that they can read, write and use numbers agree or disagree.