Nowadays, more people move away from their friends and families for work. Do advantages outweigh the disadvantages? You should write at least 250 words.
There is no denying the fact that these days many people leave their families and colleagues for the purpose of
work
. While
it is a commonly held belief that this
modern behaviour may result in some positive effects, there is also
an argument that it may be accompanied by some drawbacks. This
essay will analyse this
topic from both points of view and express my opinion.
On the one hand, if individuals dedicate their lives to work
only, surely, they will gain some benefits. In other words
, focusing more on work
in various fields may lead to attaining a breakthrough triumph compared to others. In addition
, when employees do their best efforts in their work
, the probability of innovation and creation will soar. Consequently
, the economic status of the country will be boosted, which is considered a primary key to progress. For example
, the industrial revolution in the UK emerged, in 1800, as a result
of hard work
.
On the other hand
, friendships and families play a pivotal role in the lives of humanity. It is also
possible to say that without them we will suffer a lot. Firstly
, we lose the real meaning of life because friends help us to overcome different hardships and obstacles, and the family provides us with a sense of safety and assurance. Moreover
, the risk of exposure to psychological diseases such
as depression and anxiety will elevate.
In conclusion, there are no easy answers to this
question. On balance, however
, I believe that the negative impacts of living away from families and friends outweigh the positive effects because they are vital stuff for human nature. Hence
, making balance in our lives is a crucial thing.Submitted by sm710129 on
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task achievement
While the essay addresses the task and presents a balanced view, providing more specific and diverse examples would strengthen the argument. Broad and historical references, like the industrial revolution, should be complemented with modern and relatable examples.
task achievement
Ensure that each paragraph's main point is well-supported by clear explanations or examples. Some ideas are clear but would benefit from further elaboration to fully meet the task requirements.
coherence correlation
Consider enhancing transitions between arguments for smoother coherence. Phrases like 'On the one hand' and 'On the other hand' are effective, but varying the transition can add sophistication to the writing.
coherence correlation
You have a strong introduction and a clear conclusion. Ensure that your conclusion not only summarizes the points but also restates your main argument succinctly with a powerful statement.
coherence correlation
The introduction clearly outlines the purpose of the essay and what it intends to tackle, which sets a clear direction for the reader.
coherence correlation
The essay maintains a logical structure throughout, with each paragraph addressing distinct aspects of the topic. This logical progression aids in understanding your argument.
task achievement
The vocabulary and language used are appropriate and demonstrate a good command of English. Phrases like 'pivotal role' and 'breakthrough triumph' show an advanced level of language proficiency.