Some people believe that unpaid community service should be a compulsory part of high school programs (for e.g. working for a charity improving the neighborhood or teaching sports to younger children). To what extend do you agree or disagree?

✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
Some people think that schools must set up programs for
students
to participate in community service without earning money. I do agree with
this
statement because not only it can help
students
by increasing their knowledge but
also
students
realize how to use their
time
better. There are several reasons why
students
must take part in unpaid community service. At
first,
although
they may not earn any money, they are likely to take more advantages as a professional employee in the future,
such
as having more experience and learning how they can do their tasks.
For instance
,
students
who spend
time
at the workplace might be engaged in some jobs as a part of a team that helps them to do their duties accurately, so in their future careers, they will respond to these tasks quite better. Another point to consider is that
students
would learn how to use their free
time
in the right ways
due to
working, which makes them more organized in their lives.
In particular
,
while
they work long hours at work, they realize that the
time
that can be spent with others
such
as family and friends is limited so they may appreciate their spare
time
more and more.
Consequently
,
this
approach may affect
students
' attitude completely to think about their goals and how those aims can be attained by making plans in their free
time
. In conclusion,
students
will be able to increase their knowledge by working and using their free
time
in ways that would be better.
Submitted by sarmastsobhan1994 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

coherence cohesion
Your essay should have a clear introduction that introduces the topic and your viewpoint, followed by body paragraphs that support your argument with specific examples, and a conclusion that summarises your thoughts and restates your position. The absence of a clear introduction and conclusion is evident, affecting the logical flow and comprehensibility of the essay.
task achievement
While you have addressed the prompt, expanding on your ideas with more specific examples would strengthen your argument. Also, ensure that the response is complete, with a clear position throughout the essay, and conclude your essay with a summarizing statement that reflects on the arguments made.
What to do next:
Look at other essays: