IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6

Some people believe that unpaid community service should be a compulsory part of high school programs (for e.g. working for a charity improving the neighborhood or teaching sports to younger children). To what extend do you agree or disagree?

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Some people think that schools must set up programs for
students
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 to participate in community service without earning money. I do agree with
this
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 statement because not only it can help
students
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 by increasing their knowledge but
also
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students
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 realize how to use their
time
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 better. There are several reasons why
students
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 must take part in unpaid community service. At
first,
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although
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 they may not earn any money, they are likely to take more advantages as a professional employee in the future,
such
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 as having more experience and learning how they can do their tasks.
For instance
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,
students
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 who spend
time
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 at the workplace might be engaged in some jobs as a part of a team that helps them to do their duties accurately, so in their future careers, they will respond to these tasks quite better. Another point to consider is that
students
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 would learn how to use their free
time
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 in the right ways
due to
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 working, which makes them more organized in their lives.
In particular
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,
while
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 they work long hours at work, they realize that the
time
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 that can be spent with others
such
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 as family and friends is limited so they may appreciate their spare
time
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 more and more.
Consequently
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,
this
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 approach may affect
students
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' attitude completely to think about their goals and how those aims can be attained by making plans in their free
time
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. In conclusion,
students
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 will be able to increase their knowledge by working and using their free
time
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 in ways that would be better.

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coherence cohesion
Your essay should have a clear introduction that introduces the topic and your viewpoint, followed by body paragraphs that support your argument with specific examples, and a conclusion that summarises your thoughts and restates your position. The absence of a clear introduction and conclusion is evident, affecting the logical flow and comprehensibility of the essay.
task achievement
While you have addressed the prompt, expanding on your ideas with more specific examples would strengthen your argument. Also, ensure that the response is complete, with a clear position throughout the essay, and conclude your essay with a summarizing statement that reflects on the arguments made.
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