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Writing Samples
Band 6.5

It is sometimes said that people should be encouraged to get married before they are 30, as this is the best for the individual and for society. Do you agree or disagree?

#people #society
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Many people believe that one should get married before he or she is 30, as
this
 is the best for them and the general public. I disagree with
this
 view because I personally believe that everyone should decide for themselves, rather than rushing only to please the community’s expectations. First of all, there should be no age limits to
such
 important matters
such
 as matrimony. Each individual should get married whenever they feel ready both emotionally and fiscally.
For example
, most women want to get
high paid
Correct your spelling
high-paying
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 jobs or pursue their dream
career
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careers
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 nowadays before becoming wives and potential mothers.
Therefore
, they will be financially secure on their own in order to provide a good life for their newborns, even if the father leaves the family.
In contrast
, most people who get married before their thirties, get into forced and unhappy relationships.
Moreover
,
this
 could lead to an abusive household which means no good for the mental health of any member of a family. Second of all, even if early marriages would balance the age structure in most parts of the world, they could
also
 lead to a significant number of divorces.
This
 is because early marital ceremonies are often made randomly, with no emotional connection or love.
Therefore
, the child born in
this
 type of
families
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family
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 will most probably be neglected or even unwanted, since his or her parents have nothing in common.
Consequently
, society may become careless about basic human values which can only be promoted by stable families.
To sum up
, I am opposed to setting a certain age limit for when humans should marry. Life is a long journey and everyone has the right to spend it with the one they truly love and want to start a family with,
thing
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the thing
a thing
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 that might, as well, result in more loving and solid households.
Submitted by acaitaz on

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coherence cohesion
Ensure that each paragraph has a clear central idea and that all supporting details are directly related to that idea. This will enhance the coherence of your essay.
task achievement
Strive to use a wider range of vocabulary and more sophisticated sentence structures to improve clarity and display a higher level of language proficiency.
task achievement
Your essay presents a well-developed argument and stays focused on the central topic throughout. This is a key aspect of task achievement.
coherence cohesion
The introduction and conclusion are clear and effectively frame your discussion.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • Fertility
  • Maternal health
  • Psychological stability
  • Social maturity
  • Economic benefits
  • Shared responsibilities
  • Ancestral customs
  • Cultural imperatives
  • Personal development
  • Career establishment
  • Societal norms
  • Lifestyle choices
  • Divorce rates
  • Life decisions
  • Subjective wellbeing
What to do next:
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