Some people think that family has the most powerful influence on a child’s development, while others think that other factors such as television, friend, music have the biggest effects. Discuss both views and give your opinion
People hold differing views about key factors which act as role models to the children’s future prospective. Some people including myself consider immediate family to play an irreplaceable role in their offspring
while
others believe that surrounding elements Linking Words
such
as friendships and media appear to be even more effective.
On the one hand, a parent-child friendship is one of the first things that an infant experiences at their earliest stage which not only highlights the link between the premier caregivers and their young but Linking Words
also
promotes a secure attachment and a healthy emotional development. It is true that children are parent’s reflection, they observe their guardians, imitate them and pick up their habits Linking Words
as well as
behaviour Linking Words
due to
Linking Words
this
, parents should be sensitively cautious in their manners if they want to set good examples for their adolescents. It is Linking Words
therefore
easy to understand why a number of societies hold Linking Words
this
side in Linking Words
this
debate.
Linking Words
On the other hand
, television with a broad coverage of data either efficient or disruptive can amazingly draw little ones’ attention in the way that they spend seven hours on average which is far more than amount of the quality time they spend with their parents which is concerning. Linking Words
However
, Linking Words
this
could easily be regulated by their foster parents. Linking Words
Moreover
, some friendships especially those with a very close bond between the individuals involved leave significant marks on the main characteristics of one’s personality. Linking Words
In addition
, it is claimed that particular musics tend to be inspiring to minors and manipulate their brains under specific circumstances, Linking Words
while
Linking Words
this
can be true it is not as important as a parent’s role in children’s lives.
In conclusion. I can understand why some people convey the impression of Contributing elements with reasonable explanations, but it seems to me that first caregivers remain the most determinant feature in children's future.Linking Words
Submitted by mwoodman2 on
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coherence cohesion
Develop a clearer distinction between both views in separate paragraphs. This will improve the overall coherence and structure of the essay.
task achievement
Use more specific examples to illustrate your points. This will make your arguments stronger and more convincing.
coherence cohesion
Consider improving sentence variety to keep the reader engaged. Varying sentence length and structure can make the writing more dynamic and interesting.
coherence cohesion
The introduction effectively sets up the debate and clearly states your own position, which is a strong start to the essay.
task achievement
The essay provides a balanced view of both perspectives, discussing the influence of family as well as other factors like friends and media.
coherence cohesion
The conclusion succinctly summarizes your stance, reinforcing your initial argument. This brings a sense of closure to the essay.
Your opinion
Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.
If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.
Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.
Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:
...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?