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Writing Samples
Band 7.5

Some people fail in school , but end up being successful in life. Why do you think that is the case ? What is the most important thing to succeed in life?

In today's world success is not guaranteed by attending school or going to an expensive tertiary institution, whether a child fails at a few modules in his/her prime or not does not mean they are doomed for failure in life, alternatively, it can turn out to be quite the opposite.In
this
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 essay,
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 will discuss the reasons why
such
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 cases happen and the underlying principle that makes for it. First and foremost, academic success has been the backbone of accumulating wealth since the beginning of time, we have been told that if a person does not go to university they are likely to not accomplish anything in life.
Nevertheless
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, times have changed in
such
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 a way that
one
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 can be rich without any degree or diploma in his hands.
For example
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, entrepreneurship has taken the minds of many individuals, celebrities like Elon Musk never got to finish or graduate from the universities they were enrolled in,
however
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, he is
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 of the greatest visionaries and billionaires to be alive today with a certificate to credit his work.
Furthermore
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, when asked how he started, his words were "
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 came up with an idea and worked on it tirelessly up until
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 was able to make money out of it".
As a result
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,
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 believe
this
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 to be
one
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 of the principles that has led many to want to go down the same root.
In addition
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, tertiary education is now costly as compared to the old, society could afford even the poorest but now they are most likely 10 times more expensive. Imagine a youthful individual coming from a disadvantaged family, obviously his dream of wearing a graduation gown like his fellow associates will be shuttered, the only thing he can do is to think of ways and motivate himself to attain wealth.
Moreover
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, some of the folks are breadwinners in the family, as
such
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this
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 compels them to be creative in thinking of an idea that will bring money into the family,
for instance
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, World class footballers like Cristiano Ronaldo never went to school because of financial issues as
such
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 it led to him perfecting his football skills fast-forward today his
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 the richest footballers of all time.
Thus
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, the most important thing to succeed without having to step foot into the classroom is for
one
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 to be creative in their thinking, perfect the idea and be motivated by staying through to their goals. In conclusion,
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 believe it is good for children to go to academies and get a degree so that they can work whatever job they want and be successful in life,
however
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,
this
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 is not the only approach, people learn skills, be creative in a manner that they can monetise their talents without going to seminary like footballers all of which take motivation and determination.

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task achievement
While the essay presents clear and relevant ideas, it sometimes lacks depth. Consider delving deeper into the arguments or providing more extensive examples to strengthen the points.
coherence cohesion
Break up longer paragraphs to improve readability and flow. This will help in presenting each idea more effectively and keeping the reader engaged.
general
Pay attention to small grammatical errors and awkward phrasing to enhance clarity and professionalism. Minor errors can sometimes distract the reader.
general
The essay presents a clear introduction and conclusion, which effectively frame the discussion.
task achievement
The use of examples such as Elon Musk and Cristiano Ronaldo makes the content relatable and concrete.
coherence cohesion
The logical flow of ideas is commendable, with smooth transitions between paragraphs.

Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

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