Children are facing more pressures nowadays from academic, social and commercial perspectives. What are the causes of these pressures? What measures should be taken to reduce this pressure?
It is claimed that
children
are going under more and more pressure
academically, socially, and commercially these days. While
one side of this
pressure
emerges from the peer pressure
and the growing expectations of their families
, the other side comes from the unrealistic standards of society
. This
essay will elaborate on these causes and will offer a solution.
Not only children
are in stiff academic competition these days but also
their families
push them beyond their limits due to
the highly unrealistic social norms. For instance
, many families
spend millions only to sign their children
up in private schools and expect them to become either doctors or engineers because of the high salary they might earn in the future. Thus
, a general belief in community and among children
is made, making them compete with each other at any cost to earn a higher career position and to be accepted and respected in society
, ignoring how much they love their academic major.
Nevertheless
, one of the possible solutions might be changing unrealistic standards and norms. Parents and society
must let offspring take up their own career and lifestyle which fosters a sense of freedom and independence. If we teach them to follow their hearts, they will end up more successful academically and socially. Moreover
, research on Iranian pupils in 2010 revealed that those children
who have studied the major they loved, became more successful and prosperous in their fields due to
the lower rate of peer pressure
among their friends as well as
their families
.
In conclusion, Although
society
and families
over push
Add a hyphen
over-push
children
to reach a high
unrealistic perspective of them, giving them more freedom will foster independence which leads them toward academic and career success. Replace the word
highly
In addition
, it allows them to have a stress-free lifestyle.Submitted by abolfath50 on
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task achievement
The essay does a good job in addressing the given prompt by discussing the causes of pressure on children and suggesting ways to reduce it. However, for a higher score, you could provide more specific real-world examples and statistics to better illustrate your points.
task achievement
While the ideas are clearly stated and elaborated upon, the second body paragraph could be strengthened with more details on 'how' the societal and familial norms should be changed practically, rather than just stating that they should be changed.
coherence cohesion
The essay maintains a clear and logical structure with a clear introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion. Ensure that your main points in the body paragraphs align explicitly with the causes and solutions as referenced in your thesis statement.
coherence cohesion
Although the essay generally flows well, try to use more transitional phrases to guide the reader through your arguments smoothly. This will enhance the cohesion and make your essay more polished.
task achievement
The introduction effectively sets the stage by stating the issue and outlining the focus of the essay, which is well done.
coherence cohesion
The conclusion succinctly wraps up the discussion by reiterating the main points, which helps in reinforcing your arguments.