Children are facing more pressures nowadays from academic, social and commercial perspectives. What are the causes of these pressures? What measures should be taken to reduce this pressure?
It is claimed that
children
are going under more and more Use synonyms
pressure
academically, socially, and commercially these days. Use synonyms
While
one side of Linking Words
this
Linking Words
pressure
emerges from the peer Use synonyms
pressure
and the growing expectations of their Use synonyms
families
, the other side comes from the unrealistic standards of Use synonyms
society
. Use synonyms
This
essay will elaborate on these causes and will offer a solution.
Not only Linking Words
children
are in stiff academic competition these days but Use synonyms
also
their Linking Words
families
push them beyond their limits Use synonyms
due to
the highly unrealistic social norms. Linking Words
For instance
, many Linking Words
families
spend millions only to sign their Use synonyms
children
up in private schools and expect them to become either doctors or engineers because of the high salary they might earn in the future. Use synonyms
Thus
, a general belief in community and among Linking Words
children
is made, making them compete with each other at any cost to earn a higher career position and to be accepted and respected in Use synonyms
society
, ignoring how much they love their academic major.
Use synonyms
Nevertheless
, one of the possible solutions might be changing unrealistic standards and norms. Parents and Linking Words
society
must let offspring take up their own career and lifestyle which fosters a sense of freedom and independence. If we teach them to follow their hearts, they will end up more successful academically and socially. Use synonyms
Moreover
, research on Iranian pupils in 2010 revealed that those Linking Words
children
who have studied the major they loved, became more successful and prosperous in their fields Use synonyms
due to
the lower rate of peer Linking Words
pressure
among their friends Use synonyms
as well as
their Linking Words
families
.
In conclusion, Use synonyms
Although
Linking Words
society
and Use synonyms
families
Use synonyms
over push
Add a hyphen
over-push
children
to reach a Use synonyms
high
unrealistic perspective of them, giving them more freedom will foster independence which leads them toward academic and career success. Replace the word
highly
In addition
, it allows them to have a stress-free lifestyle.Linking Words
Submitted by abolfath50 on
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task achievement
The essay does a good job in addressing the given prompt by discussing the causes of pressure on children and suggesting ways to reduce it. However, for a higher score, you could provide more specific real-world examples and statistics to better illustrate your points.
task achievement
While the ideas are clearly stated and elaborated upon, the second body paragraph could be strengthened with more details on 'how' the societal and familial norms should be changed practically, rather than just stating that they should be changed.
coherence cohesion
The essay maintains a clear and logical structure with a clear introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion. Ensure that your main points in the body paragraphs align explicitly with the causes and solutions as referenced in your thesis statement.
coherence cohesion
Although the essay generally flows well, try to use more transitional phrases to guide the reader through your arguments smoothly. This will enhance the cohesion and make your essay more polished.
task achievement
The introduction effectively sets the stage by stating the issue and outlining the focus of the essay, which is well done.
coherence cohesion
The conclusion succinctly wraps up the discussion by reiterating the main points, which helps in reinforcing your arguments.