Some people think young people should be required to have full time education until they are at least 18 years old. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

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However
, numerous individuals thought teenagers ought to engage in full-time studies until 18
years
old minimum. In my opinion, I agree that being studied until 18
years
old for minors would bring numerous positive aspects compared to the negative side. Certainly, it must acknowledged that there are significant advantages to forcing minors to engage in school for the full time until they become 18
years
old.
Firstly
, young individuals can be eligible to extend high-degree studies in university to pursue specialization development in skills which help them enter the professional workforce.
Consequently
, they can receive superior compensation,
for instance
, working in consulting firms
such
as McKinsey. A high
education
is the key to success in a career in modern times.
Secondly
, young persons can receive a high school diploma after participating in full-time
education
until 18
years
old.
As a result
, they can enter the job market and find a job. The fact is that 70% of the opportunities in the market require at least a diploma.
For example
, front office role in the hospitality industry. Entering the workforce can benefit youth as they can gain professional experience, and develop communication and cooperation skills, which can, in the long run, be advantages for being a member of society. In conclusion, full-time
education
is beneficial to youth as it opens a vast number of ways for their future, to either continue in
education
by pursuing a higher degree at university or enter the workforce to develop professional skills and gain experience in the real world.
Submitted by ssssisi on

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Task Achievement
Make sure to introduce both sides of the argument clearly, even if you strongly favor one. This will balance your essay and demonstrate a comprehensive understanding of the topic.
Coherence and Cohesion
Avoid overcomplicated sentence structures that may confuse readers. Instead, aim for clarity and precision in your argumentation.
Coherence and Cohesion
Incorporate a wider range of vocabulary related to the topic of education and career development. This not only enriches your essay but also displays a higher level of language proficiency.
Task Achievement
You've done an excellent job of establishing a clear viewpoint and supporting it with logical arguments and relevant examples.
Coherence and Cohesion
Your essay is well-structured, with a clear introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion that effectively summarizes the main points.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • fundamental cornerstone
  • literacy and numeracy
  • social inequalities
  • foundation of knowledge
  • social mobility
  • informed and engaged citizenry
  • democratic processes
  • youth crime rates
  • productive activities
  • vocational training
  • workforce
  • stifling individual talent
  • economic contribution
  • stress and mental health issues
  • unsuitable educational system
  • one-size-fits-all approach
  • diverse talents
  • career paths
  • formal academic education
  • financial strains
  • low-income countries
  • improving quality of education
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