Some people think government should focus on reducing environmental pollution and housing problems to help prevent illness and diseas. To what extend do you agree or disagree?
People
have different views as to whether the Use synonyms
government
should pay more attention to decreasing environmental Use synonyms
pollution
and housing issues in order to deter Use synonyms
illness
and Use synonyms
disease
. In my perspective, despite mitigating environmental degradation and housing problems bringing about many more benefits, I firmly believe that the Use synonyms
government
should focus on other fields to assist Use synonyms
probihit
Correct word choice
in preventing
illness
and Use synonyms
disease
.
On the one hand, there are two main reasons why decreasing environmental Use synonyms
pollution
and housing issues could hinder Use synonyms
illness
and Use synonyms
disease
. Nowadays, the main source of Use synonyms
illness
comes from several kinds of Use synonyms
pollution
, especially air Use synonyms
pollution
. Use synonyms
For instance
, there is evidence that a lot of Linking Words
people
in the northern part of Thailand have been diagnosed with lung cancer for more than the past decade Use synonyms
due to
air Linking Words
pollution
called PM 2.5. Use synonyms
Furthermore
, a variety of diseases are located in a slum or an unhealthy community, which directly affects the homeless. Linking Words
As a result
, the Linking Words
government
must ensure that every person has proper living places in order to avoid pests Use synonyms
such
as rats or cockroaches as they are Linking Words
disease
carriers.
Use synonyms
On the other hand
, there are other areas that the Linking Words
government
should focus on to hinder Use synonyms
illness
and Use synonyms
disease
. Use synonyms
Firstly
, the Linking Words
government
must enhance the state of science in the country because there is a shortage of scientists and doctors in the job market. Having more scientists means that Use synonyms
people
will have a better understanding of germs and diseases, which leads to new vaccines and medical treatments. Use synonyms
This
means that it could save countless Linking Words
people
from sickness and death. Use synonyms
In addition
, the subject of science can cause scientific and technological breakthroughs, creating more advanced technologies to prevent Linking Words
illness
and Use synonyms
disease
Use synonyms
such
as genetic engineering.
In conclusion, Linking Words
although
focusing on environmental Linking Words
pollution
and housing problems could be an ideal method to prevent Use synonyms
illness
and Use synonyms
disease
, I genuinely believe that paying attention to science is a practical solution in the long run.Use synonyms
Submitted by pandin21 on
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task achievement
You provided a complete and relevant response to the task. Your ideas were generally clear and well-developed, but there is room for improvement in some areas, particularly in providing more specific examples and elaborating on your key points.
coherence cohesion
Your essay had a clear and logical structure with an introduction, body paragraphs, and conclusion. Each paragraph had a distinct main point, demonstrating coherence. However, the cohesion could be slightly improved by using more diverse linking words and ensuring smoother transitions between ideas.
coherence cohesion
Your essay's introduction and conclusion were well-crafted, effectively framing your argument.
task achievement
The main points were clearly supported with relevant and specific examples, particularly the one about air pollution in northern Thailand.