Some people think government should focus on reducing environmental pollution and housing problems to help prevent illness and diseas. To what extend do you agree or disagree?
People
have different views as to whether the government
should pay more attention to decreasing environmental pollution
and housing issues in order to deter illness
and disease
. In my perspective, despite mitigating environmental degradation and housing problems bringing about many more benefits, I firmly believe that the government
should focus on other fields to assist probihit
Correct word choice
in preventing
illness
and disease
.
On the one hand, there are two main reasons why decreasing environmental pollution
and housing issues could hinder illness
and disease
. Nowadays, the main source of illness
comes from several kinds of pollution
, especially air pollution
. For instance
, there is evidence that a lot of people
in the northern part of Thailand have been diagnosed with lung cancer for more than the past decade due to
air pollution
called PM 2.5. Furthermore
, a variety of diseases are located in a slum or an unhealthy community, which directly affects the homeless. As a result
, the government
must ensure that every person has proper living places in order to avoid pests such
as rats or cockroaches as they are disease
carriers.
On the other hand
, there are other areas that the government
should focus on to hinder illness
and disease
. Firstly
, the government
must enhance the state of science in the country because there is a shortage of scientists and doctors in the job market. Having more scientists means that people
will have a better understanding of germs and diseases, which leads to new vaccines and medical treatments. This
means that it could save countless people
from sickness and death. In addition
, the subject of science can cause scientific and technological breakthroughs, creating more advanced technologies to prevent illness
and disease
such
as genetic engineering.
In conclusion, although
focusing on environmental pollution
and housing problems could be an ideal method to prevent illness
and disease
, I genuinely believe that paying attention to science is a practical solution in the long run.Submitted by pandin21 on
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task achievement
You provided a complete and relevant response to the task. Your ideas were generally clear and well-developed, but there is room for improvement in some areas, particularly in providing more specific examples and elaborating on your key points.
coherence cohesion
Your essay had a clear and logical structure with an introduction, body paragraphs, and conclusion. Each paragraph had a distinct main point, demonstrating coherence. However, the cohesion could be slightly improved by using more diverse linking words and ensuring smoother transitions between ideas.
coherence cohesion
Your essay's introduction and conclusion were well-crafted, effectively framing your argument.
task achievement
The main points were clearly supported with relevant and specific examples, particularly the one about air pollution in northern Thailand.