do you agree or disagree that celebrities are paid for too much money?
There is an argument
whether
celebrities should receive higher payments. From my perspective, they deserve to have a higher salary since they not only have a great contribution to the economy of society, but Change preposition
about whether
also
they play a significant role in the entertainment industry. Moreover
, their extreme efforts over many years
will lead to their success and wealth.
To commence with, figures can generate revenue for different stakeholders in the entertainment industry and all of society. In other words
, they can attract a lot of audiences and bring significant value by advertising, participation in campaigns and ticket sales. Indeed, many individuals just
purchase a product or special service just because they have been advertised and endorsed by famous people. Needless to mention, in many cases, a special superstar guarantees the success of a movie. Rephrase
apply
Consequently
, their wages are higher than usual professionals
.
To continue with, many influencers put great effort and diligence into finding their big names and reputable characteristics. Change preposition
for professionals
For instance
, Ali Daei as
a well-distinguished footballer, had 24-7 days Change preposition
apply
practice
for several Change preposition
of practice
years
before he got
famous. Verb problem
became
Furthermore
, the majority of these people are talented and gifted people who have dedicated their lives to their objectives. As a result
, to compensate for years
of unpaid jobs and efforts, they need to be overpaid.
In a nutshell, it is fair that celebrities have higher incomes since they can create enjoyable moments for crowds and entertain them with their talent and skills. The skills, which have been acquired by years
of struggle, energy and attempts.Submitted by zohmoz93 on
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task achievement
While the essay provides a clear response and develops ideas well, there are minor grammatical and lexical errors which, if corrected, could improve clarity.
coherence cohesion
Ensure that transitional phrases are used consistently throughout the essay to improve flow and coherence.
coherence cohesion
Try to vary sentence structures more and use a wider range of vocabulary to further enhance the essay.
task achievement
The essay provides clear, comprehensive ideas and is well-organized with an introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion.
task achievement
The main points are relevant and supported with specific examples, which strengthens the argument.
coherence cohesion
The logical structure of the essay is easy to follow, and the points are developed logically.
coherence cohesion
Clear introduction and conclusion that effectively frame the argument.