In some countries owning a home rather than renting one is very important for people. Why might this be the case? Do you think this is a positive or negative situation?
In today’s society, accommodation is important to all species. Some
people
believe having an own home
rather than renting one is very essential for humans. In this
essay, I will explain the various positive statements and explain why I support my opinion with examples.
Firstly
, owning a home
could provide financial security. This
means many people
see it as a good investment because its value can increase over the period. Moreover
, homeowners can have a valuable asset for their children. Also
, homeowners do not worry about rent increases, which can be stressful and interfere with achieving people
's goals and dreams. Furthermore
, building a home
also
gives a sense of stability. For example
, nowadays many students going
abroad for their studies. Meanwhile, they need a strong asset to show it.
Wrong verb form
go
On the other hand
, buying a house requires significant initial investments, including an advance payment and transaction costs. In addition
, loans often stretch over decades, which burdens the owner with long-term financial obligations. Home
interest rates may change, which adds additional uncertainty to family financial planning. For example
, one leading university in China has researched mental health for new house owners. 50% of people
live with stress and tension because of their home
loan
.
In conclusion, Fix the agreement mistake
loans
While
, it has disadvantages such
as buying a house requires significant initial investments, including an advance payment and transaction costs the advantages like financial security and a big asset for their children offers are undeniable. Therefore
, I strongly believe these positive statements far outweigh the drawbacks.Submitted by shruthiudhai7 on
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Task Response
The introduction could be more concise and specific to the topic. Consider rephrasing the first sentence to directly mention the importance of homeownership in certain countries.
Task Response
Your main points are clear, but the examples provided could be more relevant to the specific context of owning a home versus renting. Try to relate examples more closely to the advantages and disadvantages discussed.
Coherence and Cohesion
There are some grammatical errors and awkward phrases that could be refined. For instance, 'many students going abroad for their studies' should be 'many students going abroad for their studies need.'
Coherence and Cohesion
Improve the logical flow between paragraphs by using transition words or phrases. For instance, 'In addition to financial security...' could be used to transition between paragraphs.
Task Response
Your essay presents a clear structure with a well-defined introduction, body, and conclusion.
Task Response
You have successfully identified and explained several key reasons why homeownership might be important for people.
Coherence and Cohesion
The essay maintains a consistent argument and supports your opinion with multiple points.
Coherence and Cohesion
You've attempted to provide examples and explanations to support your points, enhancing the overall coherence of the essay.
Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
You should use complex sentences in your writing, but it does not mean that you should try to make all of our sentences complex.
‘Complex’ sentences are not actually very complex; they are just two or more simple sentences put together. Putting them together makes the essay more coherent and cohesive.
Examples:
I really want to study but I’m too tired.
I wore a warm coat because the weather was cold.
If action is not taken soon on climate change, global warming will get worse.