IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5.5

Some people say in order to prevent illness and disease governments should focus on reducing environmental pollution and housing problems. To what extent do you agree or disagree

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In the modern age, there is a common view that
the
Correct article usage
apply
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governments
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 should pay attention
on
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to
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problems
Use synonyms
 which relate to
environment
Correct article usage
the environment
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 and houses with the aim of preventing
ailment
Fix the agreement mistake
ailments
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 and sickness. The writer totally agrees with that statement and holds the opinion that the
governments
Use synonyms
 have the responsibility to ensure the quality of
individuals
Change noun form
individuals'
individual's
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 lives. It is vital to understand that many
illness
Fix the agreement mistake
illnesses
show examples
 and
disease
Fix the agreement mistake
diseases
show examples
 come from
the
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apply
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pollution in nature like pollution in the air, the water or especially in the land, which causes a detrimental effect not just
with
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on
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 the Earth but
also
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 the individuals. Contamination can easily damage one's health and lead to a lot of drastic issues
such
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 as infection,
cardio vascular
Correct your spelling
cardiovascular
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 and blood circulation. Take the
governments
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 in Japan as a good example , who invest a lot in the specific infrastructure to reduce the pollution
in
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apply
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every year,
thus
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, it leads to positive changes
to
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for
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 the citizens nearby, especially
enhances
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enhancing
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 their health.
Therefore
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,
the
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apply
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governments
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 should think of the way to prevent sickness by tackling environmental
problems
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. It should
also
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 be considered that housing issues are
also
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 the factor which
cause
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causes
show examples
 sickness to the people. Living in a grubby house can lead to a lot of health
problems
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 which
Add a missing verb
are bases
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bases
Wrong verb form
based
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 on respiratory issues and other symptoms. For that reason,
the
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apply
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governments
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 should focus more on
that
Correct determiner usage
these
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 daunting
problems
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 so as
no
Correct your spelling
not
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 to promote the disease and deter the proliferation of unhealthy
virus
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viruses
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.
For instance
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,
low quality
Add a hyphen
low-quality
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 home equipment and systems ,
such
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 as heating, plumbing and air conditioning may increase the risk of exposure to carbon monoxide , leas and airborne illnesses.
As a consequence
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, the
governments
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 should
also
Linking Words
 care about the reduction in housing
problems
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. In conclusion , the
governments
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 have
their
Change the word
a
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 responsibility to ensure the cost of living
of
Change preposition
for
show examples
 each
individuals
Change to a singular noun
individual
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. It has been demonstrated in
this
Linking Words
 essay that the more attention that the
governments
Use synonyms
 pay
for
Change preposition
to
show examples
 preventing illness, the more effective
that
Correct word choice
apply
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it can
lead to
Verb problem
be
show examples
.

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Overall
You've presented clear arguments supported by examples, which strengthen your essay. To further enhance it, consider diversifying your sentence structures and vocabulary. This will not only make your essay more interesting but also demonstrate a wider range of language skills.
Grammar
Ensure a careful check for minor grammatical errors and typos to polish your essay. Although they don't significantly impact your score, a more polished essay can subtly contribute to a better impression.
Coherence & Cohesion
Incorporate a wider variety of linking words and phrases to seamlessly connect ideas and paragraphs. This will improve the flow of your essay, making it easier for the reader to follow your line of reasoning.
Task Achievement
Consider adding more specific examples and case studies to support your arguments. This will make your essay more convincing and provide concrete evidence for your claims.
Task Achievement
Your essay effectively addresses the prompt, providing a well-reasoned argument in support of the role of government in addressing environmental pollution and housing problems to prevent illness.
Coherence & Cohesion
The structure of your essay, including a clear introduction and conclusion, helps in effectively presenting your argument and drawing a logical conclusion.
Supported Main Points
Use of relevant examples, such as the reference to Japan's government efforts in reducing pollution, enhances your argument by providing real-world evidence.

Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • preventive healthcare
  • environmental regulations
  • respiratory diseases
  • public health policies
  • sanitation facilities
  • urban planning
  • communicable diseases
  • socio-economic factors
  • sustainable development
  • government intervention
  • healthcare infrastructure
  • industrial emissions
  • air quality index
  • affordable housing
  • mental wellbeing
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