Some people say in order to prevent illness and disease governments should focus on reducing environmental pollution and housing problems. To what extent do you agree or disagree

In the modern age, there is a common view that
the
Correct article usage
apply
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governments
should pay attention
on
Change preposition
to
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problems
which relate to
environment
Correct article usage
the environment
show examples
and houses with the aim of preventing
ailment
Fix the agreement mistake
ailments
show examples
and sickness. The writer totally agrees with that statement and holds the opinion that the
governments
have the responsibility to ensure the quality of
individuals
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individuals'
individual's
show examples
lives. It is vital to understand that many
illness
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illnesses
show examples
and
disease
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diseases
show examples
come from
the
Correct article usage
apply
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pollution in nature like pollution in the air, the water or especially in the land, which causes a detrimental effect not just
with
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on
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the Earth but
also
the individuals. Contamination can easily damage one's health and lead to a lot of drastic issues
such
as infection,
cardio vascular
Correct your spelling
cardiovascular
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and blood circulation. Take the
governments
in Japan as a good example , who invest a lot in the specific infrastructure to reduce the pollution
in
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apply
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every year,
thus
, it leads to positive changes
to
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for
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the citizens nearby, especially
enhances
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enhancing
show examples
their health.
Therefore
,
the
Correct article usage
apply
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governments
should think of the way to prevent sickness by tackling environmental
problems
. It should
also
be considered that housing issues are
also
the factor which
cause
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causes
show examples
sickness to the people. Living in a grubby house can lead to a lot of health
problems
which
Add a missing verb
are bases
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bases
Wrong verb form
based
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on respiratory issues and other symptoms. For that reason,
the
Correct article usage
apply
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governments
should focus more on
that
Correct determiner usage
these
show examples
daunting
problems
so as
no
Correct your spelling
not
show examples
to promote the disease and deter the proliferation of unhealthy
virus
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viruses
show examples
.
For instance
,
low quality
Add a hyphen
low-quality
show examples
home equipment and systems ,
such
as heating, plumbing and air conditioning may increase the risk of exposure to carbon monoxide , leas and airborne illnesses.
As a consequence
, the
governments
should
also
care about the reduction in housing
problems
. In conclusion , the
governments
have
their
Change the word
a
show examples
responsibility to ensure the cost of living
of
Change preposition
for
show examples
each
individuals
Change to a singular noun
individual
show examples
. It has been demonstrated in
this
essay that the more attention that the
governments
pay
for
Change preposition
to
show examples
preventing illness, the more effective
that
Correct word choice
apply
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it can
lead to
Verb problem
be
show examples
.
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Overall
You've presented clear arguments supported by examples, which strengthen your essay. To further enhance it, consider diversifying your sentence structures and vocabulary. This will not only make your essay more interesting but also demonstrate a wider range of language skills.
Grammar
Ensure a careful check for minor grammatical errors and typos to polish your essay. Although they don't significantly impact your score, a more polished essay can subtly contribute to a better impression.
Coherence & Cohesion
Incorporate a wider variety of linking words and phrases to seamlessly connect ideas and paragraphs. This will improve the flow of your essay, making it easier for the reader to follow your line of reasoning.
Task Achievement
Consider adding more specific examples and case studies to support your arguments. This will make your essay more convincing and provide concrete evidence for your claims.
Task Achievement
Your essay effectively addresses the prompt, providing a well-reasoned argument in support of the role of government in addressing environmental pollution and housing problems to prevent illness.
Coherence & Cohesion
The structure of your essay, including a clear introduction and conclusion, helps in effectively presenting your argument and drawing a logical conclusion.
Supported Main Points
Use of relevant examples, such as the reference to Japan's government efforts in reducing pollution, enhances your argument by providing real-world evidence.

Your opinion

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Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

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...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • preventive healthcare
  • environmental regulations
  • respiratory diseases
  • public health policies
  • sanitation facilities
  • urban planning
  • communicable diseases
  • socio-economic factors
  • sustainable development
  • government intervention
  • healthcare infrastructure
  • industrial emissions
  • air quality index
  • affordable housing
  • mental wellbeing
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