Some people say in order to prevent illness and disease governments should focus on reducing environmental pollution and housing problems. To what extent do you agree or disagree
In the modern age, there is a common view that
the
Correct article usage
apply
governments
should pay attention on
Change preposition
to
problems
which relate to environment
and houses with the aim of preventing Correct article usage
the environment
ailment
and sickness. The writer totally agrees with that statement and holds the opinion that the Fix the agreement mistake
ailments
governments
have the responsibility to ensure the quality of individuals
lives.
It is vital to understand that many Change noun form
individuals'
individual's
illness
and Fix the agreement mistake
illnesses
disease
come from Fix the agreement mistake
diseases
the
pollution in nature like pollution in the air, the water or especially in the land, which causes a detrimental effect not just Correct article usage
apply
with
the Earth but Change preposition
on
also
the individuals. Contamination can easily damage one's health and lead to a lot of drastic issues such
as infection, cardio vascular
and blood circulation. Take the Correct your spelling
cardiovascular
governments
in Japan as a good example , who invest a lot in the specific infrastructure to reduce the pollution in
every year,Change preposition
apply
thus
, it leads to positive changes to
the citizens nearby, especially Change preposition
for
enhances
their health. Wrong verb form
enhancing
Therefore
, the
Correct article usage
apply
governments
should think of the way to prevent sickness by tackling environmental problems
.
It should also
be considered that housing issues are also
the factor which cause
sickness to the people. Living in a grubby house can lead to a lot of health Change the verb form
causes
problems
which Add a missing verb
are bases
bases
on respiratory issues and other symptoms. For that reason, Wrong verb form
based
the
Correct article usage
apply
governments
should focus more on that
daunting Correct determiner usage
these
problems
so as no
to promote the disease and deter the proliferation of unhealthy Correct your spelling
not
virus
. Fix the agreement mistake
viruses
For instance
, low quality
home equipment and systems , Add a hyphen
low-quality
such
as heating, plumbing and air conditioning may increase the risk of exposure to carbon monoxide , leas and airborne illnesses. As a consequence
, the governments
should also
care about the reduction in housing problems
.
In conclusion , the governments
have their
responsibility to ensure the cost of living Change the word
a
of
each Change preposition
for
individuals
. It has been demonstrated in Change to a singular noun
individual
this
essay that the more attention that the governments
pay for
preventing illness, the more effective Change preposition
to
that
it can Correct word choice
apply
lead to
.Verb problem
be
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Overall
You've presented clear arguments supported by examples, which strengthen your essay. To further enhance it, consider diversifying your sentence structures and vocabulary. This will not only make your essay more interesting but also demonstrate a wider range of language skills.
Grammar
Ensure a careful check for minor grammatical errors and typos to polish your essay. Although they don't significantly impact your score, a more polished essay can subtly contribute to a better impression.
Coherence & Cohesion
Incorporate a wider variety of linking words and phrases to seamlessly connect ideas and paragraphs. This will improve the flow of your essay, making it easier for the reader to follow your line of reasoning.
Task Achievement
Consider adding more specific examples and case studies to support your arguments. This will make your essay more convincing and provide concrete evidence for your claims.
Task Achievement
Your essay effectively addresses the prompt, providing a well-reasoned argument in support of the role of government in addressing environmental pollution and housing problems to prevent illness.
Coherence & Cohesion
The structure of your essay, including a clear introduction and conclusion, helps in effectively presenting your argument and drawing a logical conclusion.
Supported Main Points
Use of relevant examples, such as the reference to Japan's government efforts in reducing pollution, enhances your argument by providing real-world evidence.
Your opinion
Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.
If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.
Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.
Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:
...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?
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